Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West    A Mommy's afternoon luncheon Has me feeling stuck in a dungeon. A chicken salad croissant Is not what I want.   A scone is all I get to eat. While I itch in my seat. Gurgle, gurgle, with every bite. Something's not sitting right.    I'm stuck in a high-chair with a blue polka dotted bow-tie.     How in diabolical names did I get stuck here?   First it was a horse show with a mock cowboy outfit, now I look like a silly billy at some fancy shmancy...  thing.   What is this thing I've been dragged to?   It isn't lunch and it can't be snack.  No one with half a brain would eat whatever that grey stuff on the cracker is.  All the mommies are dressed in old fashioned dresses and nearly every other baby was smart enough to pretend to be sick to get out of coming to this.     "Oh, dearest Tanya," Mommy breathlessly talks like someone from those corny romance novels she hides in...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    A moment of comfy quiet Has turned into quite the riot! Buzz, buzz, hum, HUM! Is there a rocket near my eardrum?   Now someone is completely trapped And Mommy's almost snapped. Is there a way to save this little one? Can an Iris get it done?    Oh, yes.  This little cutie is ready for a nap.   Mommy and Daddy are working outside.  They're pulling weeds and trimming trees.  They're hauling mulch and planting pots.  Enough to make them drip, drip, drip with sweat.   Did I consider using this moment to my advantage?  Did I feel the urge to sneak in a diabolical catastrophe?    Of course!   I am a member of the Diabolical Drei, after all.   Then, I remembered that I have a birthday coming up and there is a big, big, BIG teddy bear that I would love for them to buy.  So, I'll give them a break this one single time.  That, and I really don't want to get all their sweat o...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Mommy's precious sanity time Has turned into a karate climb. Now I'm sitting next to stinky socks Wondering why they're balancing on rocks.   Mommy's talking is going well, When, suddenly, there's a stinky smell. Everyone wants to think it's me But, could it really be Mommy?    I'm so, so, so, so bored.   I'm the only baby in here, so that means I'm stuck alone in a portable play pen.  Meanwhile, Mommy's doing some sort of obstacle course.  Whatever it is, she's sweating and panting worse than a horse.   If only I had my diabolical tools.  I could be plotting and planning while no one is watching.  I could come up with many a great scheme and some tremendous ideas to drive Mommy and Daddy crazy.  To make a perfect stink!   PHEW!   Speaking of stink, couldn't Mommy have set my play pen somewhere else?  This basket of socks is putrid beyond stink.  Any worse and it would be giving ...

As Logged By: Agent West   This dude got a little confused. Otherwise, I would have refused. Now I'm stuck in a fancy getup, That itches whenever I hiccup.   Uh oh, lunch is done digesting Right when Sassy is besting. This toot's about to explode And cause quite an episode!    A big horse!?!?!?   That's what Mommy meant?  I thought we were going to a big show.  I thought I was going to laugh until milk spewed out of my nose.   NOPE!   Now, I'm sitting in a great big barn that smells like a mess of horse poop, hairspray, and dust.  I'm not allowed to make a sound or even move.  Worst of all, I'm wearing boots that are way too big, jeans, and a button up made of something that definitely does not qualify as soft.   "Achoo!"   "Is the dust getting to you, West?"   Eek, eh!  This button up itches worse than a rotting diaper.    "Achoo!"   Aah!  No more, I can't take this itchy mess.   Another...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    A heavy sleeper, I usually am But not after a fright with eggs and ham. How will I get any sleep? It makes me want to weep!   Is Daddy calling for me? Something's wrong, says he? I'm so confused, or completely asleep That I end up making him weep.    I'm so tired!   All I want is to fall asleep, yet all I see with closed eyes is that nasty fright of egg and ham NON-delight.   Daddy thought he'd be funny.  Mommy thought it was a blast.  I was the one crying, and do you know why!?   My eggs and ham were covered in green!   Oh, yes.  They thought they'd read a book to me, then finish it off by serving eggs and ham with sauce that was so scary and green!   I refused to eat it.  I cried and cried.   So, I ended up going to bed with only a little milk and some carrot puree.  Barely enough to count as a meal.  I'm so hungry now.  Oh, my tummy hurts.  How will I ever ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Oh, this ache along my gum Has me gnawing till it's numb. A pair of keys and a plastic cup Aren't able to hold up.   Oh, this pain is growing worse. I'm even gnawing on Mommy's purse! How will I ever sleep at night? Wait, what's this in my bite?    Ech!  Ahh!  Ooh!   Oh, my gums!  They hurt, they hurt.  This pain is a diabolical curse.   What monstrosity has happened to me to make my gums ache so heavily?  I must chew on something soon, I must ease this pain as only chewing can do.   I crawl, I crawl.  All along the ground.  I crawl around until something for me to chew can be found.     A banana?  Too soft.  That and this one is a sneaky surprise I've set for Mommy to find in a month or so.  It already has turned oozy and a little gooey.     I crawl, I crawl.  What is there to help my aching gums?   A teddy bear might work, but o...

 As Logged By: Agent West   Easter Sunday came and went Without me making a stinky scent. I sat in church and heard good news With everyone stationed in lined up pews.   This diabolical dude was good I did exactly as I should. But time has come to make a mess Who's that bunny in the dress?    Get this tie off of me!   I did my duty and not the kind that goes in the diaper.  I sat perfectly still, I didn't even make a sound.  I listened to the pastor before being whisked away to play in the children's section.    This diabolical dude knows when to be abominable and when to behave, but the diabolicalness is getting to me.  I need to drive someone crazy.   PPPHHHHHRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFTTTTHHHHHHPPPPPPTTTT!   "Well who didn't see that coming?"  Mommy sarcastically spouts and hauls me to the bedroom to change my diaper out.   Back in my comfy clothes, I look about as Mommy carries me through the hall.     W...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Daddy showed up at Chase's With a fanny pack from his races. A hairy, beer gut design!? I want to cry and whine.   This cutie plans to get him back When we head to the Sporting Shack.  Mommy asks him to hold her purse So, a baby doll can't be any worse!   Playtime at Chase's is always a blast, especially now that we have lined up the entire Garfield cast.   I squeeze Odie with a great big hug, then I plop him on top of Nermal and make a great, loud, "PPHHHHHFFFRRRRRTTTTTT!" with my mouth.   PPPPPPHHHHHHHFFFFFFFRRRRRRTTTTTHHHHHHHHPPPPPP!   Oopsies, I guess I had some that need to also come out.   DING DONG!   "Oh, good," Chase's mom says with a sigh.  "You're here just in time.  I think little Rosie just went potty."   In walks Daddy and I'm ready to grin.  But...  But...   BUT...   What do I see?   A huge, hairy gut sticking out and staring at me.   "AAAHHHHHH...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    Mommy's ready to drive To a luncheon date at The Hive. What better way to make her frazzle Than by letting my diabolical side dazzle?   Where, oh where could I be hiding? Under the table or behind the dividing?  Silly Mommy thinks she's won.  The car seat battle is on!    Up the stairs and down the hall.   Mommy huffs and puffs.  All while I play with my ball.   "Where are you!?"  She screeches.  Her freshly done hair starting to turn into a frizzy mess.  "We need to leave now."   Where am I hiding, you ask?   Why, right beside her purse.  The only place she'll never look.    "I will find you, Chase!"  Mommy warns.  "This is THE place to eat lunch... apparently... and I promised Heidi that I would be there at one on the dot."   Wait...   We're going to be with Heidi?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?   Oh, no, no, no, no, no.     I tuck m...

 As Logged By: Agent West   All I did was catch a cold That put the whole house on hold. Mommy and Daddy will not rest Until this diabolical dude feels his best.   But, now I'm stuck with a balloon Pinned to me like an annoying buffoon. Is there some way I can switch this? I'll convince Mommy with a little kiss.    "Is he fevered?!"   Daddy rushes to get the thermometer, while Mommy presses her mouth to my forehead.     "I think he's normal, but he could be hiding it!"   "Is it possible to hide a fever?"  Daddy asks when he returns.   "With West, it is."   Thank you, Mommy.  Thank you for the compliment.  But, still.  It's only a cold.  A few sniffles, a stuffy nose.  Sure, I'm a little achy and my throat may be scratchy.  But, it's still only a cold.   "Should we take him to the doctor?"   "NO!  He laughed at us the last time West had a cold.  He wouldn't believe anything ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Only such a cutie as me Can drink tea so diabolically. Oolong, jasmine, black, and green And everything in between.   What's this steaming in Mommy's cup? Something to help her stay up? Ooh, a coffee of Irish Creme? It needs a pinch to make Mommy scream.   Look at how cute I am!   Drinking out of Mommy's giant tea mug.   Sip, sip.  Aah, such a delight green tea can be.   "I'm telling you, Joanna, you've got to try this new Fire Department Coffee brew.  I LOVE it," Mommy expertly exaggerates her statement with a long wave of one arm and a large mug in the other.  Meanwhile, a new friend, whom I assume is Joanna, carefully follows behind with a mug clasped tight between both of her hands.   "It certainly sounds yummy.  I've never heard of Irish Creme coffee before."   I tip my head back to enjoy another sip of tea, but this diabolical sweetie has drunk her mug dry.  I pout out my lower ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    This baby can't stop drawing While Mommy is daughter-in-lawing. But, when I've run out of notepaper The only option is wallpaper.   This mastermind's creativity will shine Right next to Gram's coastline. Squiggles and swirls all around Dear Mommy can't make a sound!     "That is soooo adorable!"  Gram squeezes at my cheeks after I show her another masterpiece.  This one is not just squiggles, but squiggles AND scratches.     All in purple.    "You're almost at the end of your notebook, Sweetie," Mommy nervously notices.   "Oh, stop it."  Gram flaps her disciplining hand at Mommy.  "Let the baby have some fun.  When her dad was that age, he couldn't stop drawing all over.  And I do mean ALL over."   Gram pumps her brows, giving Mommy some kind of hint.   What is she saying?  Why can't I understand it?   The tension of confusion gets to this diab...