Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    Mommy left for some meeting The days were anything but fleeting. Now, she's coming back today And bringing Gobbles some special hay!   In the door Mommy walks And all she does is talks. Look at this baby's happy dance And Gobbles' adorable prance.     What is a diabolical mastermind to do?   For three days I've had leftovers from the same casserole.  Something healthy, something without soul.  No taste, just waste.  Such a blah existence for a baby.   I can't blame Daddy, he's doing his best.   Especially since he's going without his rest.   Yes, yes, yes.  This little one has kept Daddy up every single night.  What fun!     Now, he's dragging his feet.  He can barely get the food in the microwave, let alone prepare a house that I've destroyed before Mommy gets home.   Hehe!   But!!!!!!!!!!!!   Today's the day!  Mommy's coming home and I'm...

 As Logged By: Agent West    The big day has come For some cake, and then some. I see the numbers four and oh, And I gotta say, 'woah!'   Time once again has won! Mommy's thirties are gone. Will she sing goodbye? Or will she cry, cry, cry?     "You seem in a cheery mood," Daddy notices with a cautious grin.   "I'm doing great!"  Mommy boldly exclaims.  "It's my birthday and I feel wonderful."   "Just so long as your dad doesn't have any surprises planned," Daddy whispers under his breath and buckles me in for a car ride to the grandparents.   "There's my little stinker!"  Grandpa greets as soon as we arrive.  "Who's my tooty pants?"   And with that, I've got to let one out.   PPPHHHHHHRRRRRRRFFFFFFFTTTTHHHHHHPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!   "Ugh, Dad!"  Mommy growls and whisks me away as Grandpa cackles and cracks!  "Not on my birthday."    In a flash Mommy whips off the dirty diaper an...

 As Logged By:   Agent Rose   Mommy has a new obsession With some figs in her possession. "Mine, mine, mine!"  She screams So much that I have bad dreams!   I've got to get rid of them Till there's only an empty stem!  Should I let them go to waste? Or should I have a taste?    "Don't touch them!!!!!!"   Daddy jumps way back as Mommy runs toward the potted plants, ready to kill.  "I was only checking to see if they were ready," he explains.   But Mommy doesn't seem to believe him.  Her eyes start to squint and her lips twitch.  It's such a change that even I stop playing with my toy microwave.   What is going on here?  What can be so precious as to turn Mommy into such a frightening creature?   "Don't touch my figs," she warns between clenched teeth.  "I've been babying them all year and, now, they're finally ripening."   That much is true.  That crazy Mommy has been babying these potted plant...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    A little nap is all I want, Not some fancy croissant. Get me back to bed Can't you see my face is red?   All this crying and, still, nothing. Mommy knows not a thing!  My cheeks feel quite hot Will you see before I snot?    "Time for our brunch date!"  Mommy squeals from down the hall.   Meanwhile, I'm not having such a ball.  My head feels heavy, my bones are aching, and I'm pretty sure that my tummy is about to rebel.     "Get up!  Get up, lazy bones," Mommy says at sight of me.  Without a glance at my pale complexion, she hoists me up and onto her shoulder.   BBLLLLLEEEUUCCCCCKKKKK!    "Ooh!  Did someone have some spit up to get out?"     No, Mommy.  NO!   I think I'm sick, I need to go to bed.  I'm puking, not spitting up.  And, I feel the chills, I think I'm getting a fever.  What does a diabolical mastermind need to do...

As Logged By: Agent West   Mommy may have hurt her back Trying to lift my diaper sack. Now she's stuck on the couch With the frown of a grouch.   Is it age?  Is it genetic? The thoughts turn Mommy quite hectic. "I'm not old," Mommy shouts. Uh oh, here come the pouts.    "AAAAAHHHHHHH," Mommy wails from the other side of the house and I lift my head to look about.   How can she already be screaming?   I have yet to throw this stink bomb at her.   "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"  She cries again and this time I have to find out why.   Carefully hiding the stink bomb for later (hey, I'm a diabolical dude.  I'm still going to get Mommy), I crawl my way down the hall.  Around the corner I carefully roam only to find Mommy on the couch with dozens of pillows propped behind her back.   "I'M NOT OLD!"  She screams at Daddy, who is looking like he's been shocked with a few bolts of lightning.   "Of course not," Daddy tries to say with ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    This diabolical cutie has had enough All I want is to huff and puff!   Get my anger out with a rant All because of a certain aunt.   Are Mommy and Daddy really happy About this baby feeling crappy?  I'm venting, don't you see!? I'll just go vent to Auntie P.   "MNAW MNAW NAW NAW!"   "Oh my goodness!"  Mommy squeals.  "Daddy, come quick.  Rosie is speaking."   Yes, I'm speaking.  That much is easy.  But can't you understand!!?  This baby is mad, mad, MAD!   "NAW NAW NAW NAW.... MMAAAA!"   Daddy comes rushing in, anxiously listening.   "MNAW MNAW NAW NAW."   "How adorable," Daddy sighs and comes right up to listen to more.   I, on the other hand, set my glare.   Don't these two understand?  I'm so mad that I'm willing to speak.  I'm willing to shriek!  This diabolical cutie is way too upset.   Why am I mad?   Why else?!  That p...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase AND The Puppy    This diabolical mastermind is tired. But someone else is completely wired! Barking, barking till it's dawn. All I can do, then, is yawn.   So tired and needing sleep. Please, nothing make a peep.  Barking, barking!  Will it end? Barking, barking.  Here's a friend!     "Well, someone's a little grumpy grump today," Mommy giggles after looking my way.  "What's the matter, Chase?  Having trouble sleeping at might?"   Having trouble sleeping?   Having trouble sleeping!?!?!?!?   You must be joking!    This diabolical mastermind has done anything, BUT sleep.  All I want is a nice, long nap.  One at night, where I can snooze for hours and hours.   However, a certain fiend has declared war on me.   YES!   The Puppy is back and that canine is destroying my sleep.   How many nights has it been?  I don't know, I'm so tired that I'...

 As Logged By: Agent West    Mommy's been too collected, That needs to be corrected. What's a trick that'll confuse her And send her running in a blur?   Am I standing, am I not? Mommy's gone crazy with fraught. Will she convince Daddy Or start screaming madly?    Bored!  Bored!  Bored!   Look at Mommy over there.  In the kitchen, cooking with flare.  She seems so collected and here this diabolical dude is bored out of his wits end.   If only I could do something truly diabolical.  If only I could correct her collected state.   I need to take a diabolical stand!  I need to...   Wait a minute.   What was that?   I need to take a diabolical stand?   Hmhmm...   Can I do it?  Can I get my rump up enough to straighten myself and stand?   One foot down, then the other.  I pull up enough to a crouch.  I take a breath and one more.  I get that rump up, then heave!  H...

 As Logged By:  Agent Rose    A cardboard box just my size Over the carpet, it flies! Zoom, zoom here and there Zooming around everywhere!   Daddy is getting tired, But I'm completely wired. I'll make sure he never stops Not until he finally drops!     AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!   I scream and scream, but keep it all inside.  I've got my eyes open wide while Daddy takes me for a daredevil ride!   Around the corner and through the kitchen, almost tripping Mommy as she's baking and mixing.  Back onto the carpet, I zoom in the cardboard box.  The one Daddy's pushing just like a race car.    "Uh oh," Daddy says when we come to a wall.  He pants and puffs and puts his hands on his hips.  "Looks like we've hit a dead end."   A dead end?  What does that mean?   Don't you dare tell me that this race car ride is over!   This cutie is having way too much fun zooming and zooming all around....

As Logged By: Agent Chase   Peek-a-boo where are you? Peek-a-boo I won't tell you.  Am I around the corner Or under the open drawer?   Time for a nap again?  Just when I was about to win. How about one more peek-a-boo? Where Mommy won't have a clue.     "Peek-a-boo!  Where are you?"     Mommy tiptoes down the hall, never once knowing how loud her feet fall.  You may not know where I am hiding, dear, dear Mommy.  But I know exactly where you are with every single foot fall.   "I'm going to find you."   Where, oh, where could I be?  There she goes looking around the corner.  Then she stompy tiptoes over to her desk by the door.   "Are you hiding under this open drawer?  Ha!?  Oh," Mummy slumps for only a second before taking off to look for me again.   Where, oh, where am I?   Leaning against the crib, of course.  The one place Mommy won't expect me to be.  Sitting among...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   Fair time is so much fun But this baby is done. Cousin JimJim has tagged along For the whole day long.   Time for the baby Ferris wheel. Sitting next to JimJim is not ideal A mock poopy on his seat Makes quite a stink in this heat!     Today is the day!  Today we're heading to the fair!   That means cotton candy, corn dogs, funnel cakes, and... fried pork tenderloin sandwiches!!!!!!    "We're on our way!"  Mommy announces as soon as she's in the driver's seat.  "All we have to do is stop by your cousin JimJim's and pick him up so he can come, too."   My smile drops and my cheering arms lower.    What did you say, Mommy?    Who is coming with us today?   There is no time for her to answer.  She's already pulling into the spot!  The driveway of none other than...  Cousin JimJim's family.   Well, well.   Cousin JimJim sneers as soon as he's st...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose I like a carrot once or twice. They do taste very nice, One thing about carrots, though Is they can bring an orange glow.   I know it's not nice to stare, Even when it's Molly's bad hair. Something's off, I know it is!  And it isn't Molly's major frizz.    "Ugh!  Why does that baby always have to stare at me?"   From across the table, Molly groans loud enough to make the walls tremble.  It is true, I can't deny it.  This diabolical cutie is staring.   Staring and gawking!   Now, here's the thing.  I'm not trying to be diabolical.     Though, trust me, I'll think of something sneaky to do.   It's the glow in Molly's skin.  The tone of her pigment.  The way her tan seems... like a really bad wax job on a car.    I've seen this teen be tan before and it looked rather nice.     But, please.    Don't ever tell cousin Molly that I gave her a co...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    I'm simply sitting sweetly While Mommy sets the table neatly. Then I hear some odd giggling. And Mommy guiltily wiggling.   Daddy's huffing and grumpy But Mommy has me getting frumpy.   Who is to blame for that? Not Gobbles and certainly not the cat!    Ah, nothing like taking a break from diabolical plots and schemes to innocently sit by the window and watch the birds and butterflies flitting and flying about.     I know I am wasting a perfect opportunity.  Especially, with Mommy setting the table and completely distracted.  Such perfect timing to leave something squishy on the floor, or perhaps something stinky and sticky by the door.   Maybe later, but for now...  This diabolical mastermind needs her rest.   "What was that!?!?!?"  Daddy suddenly asks.  He's grabbing at his upper arm and glancing at it confused and, also, checking for a bruise.   A quiet n...