A Diabolically Adorable Hummingbird Calamity

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 As Logged By:

Agent Rose 

 

A moment of comfy quiet

Has turned into quite the riot!

Buzz, buzz, hum, HUM!

Is there a rocket near my eardrum?

 

Now someone is completely trapped

And Mommy's almost snapped.

Is there a way to save this little one?

Can an Iris get it done? 

 

Oh, yes.  This little cutie is ready for a nap.
 
Mommy and Daddy are working outside.  They're pulling weeds and trimming trees.  They're hauling mulch and planting pots.  Enough to make them drip, drip, drip with sweat.
 
Did I consider using this moment to my advantage?  Did I feel the urge to sneak in a diabolical catastrophe? 
 
Of course!
 
I am a member of the Diabolical Drei, after all.
 
Then, I remembered that I have a birthday coming up and there is a big, big, BIG teddy bear that I would love for them to buy.  So, I'll give them a break this one single time.  That, and I really don't want to get all their sweat on me.
 
Instead, I have decided to crawl into the garage.  There, a comfy blanket with plenty of downy filling is waiting for me to rest my head and sleep.
 
I lay myself down.  I count to three.
 
I yawn just before falling asleep...
 
BUZZZZZZZZ!  BUZZZZZZZ!  HUMMMMMMMM!  HUMMMMMMMM!
 
"WWAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"
 
What on Earth is that!?!?!?!? 
 
 Something just buzzed right by my head.  It dashed from side to side.  It sounded like a chainsaw ready to attack my cutie patootie!
 
BUZZZZZZZ!  BUZZZZZZ!  HUMMMMMMMM!!!! 
 
 "WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
 
Hurry, Mommy.  Rush, rush, rush, Daddy! 
 
Your baby is under attack!
 
BUUZZZZZZZ!  HUMMMMMMM!!!! 
 
"WWAAAHHHHHH!!!"
 
"Hey, hey," Mommy cooes as she comes running.  "We're here, Sweetie.  We're here.  What's wrong?"
 
I duck my head and try to find the source of the sound.  Suddenly, something flits across the ceiling, darting so fast that I almost don't see it.
 
I point right up at the mystery attacker.
 
That's when I finally see it.
 
A bird, one oh so shiny.  With a long, long beak and glistening wings.
 
"Oh, it's a hummingbird," Daddy says before wrinkling his brow.  "Uh oh.  I think someone doesn't know how to get out."
 
We all three hold still and stare.  We watch the poor little hummingbird fly through the air.  It bops its head on the ceiling and smacks against the window.  
 
Oh, dear!  I think Daddy is right.  This hummingbird is stuck inside the garage.
 
"Don't worry.  I know how to get it out."
 
Mommy sets me down and gets to work.  She grabs the rake and holds it high in the air.  With it, she tries to shoo the tiny bird toward the open garage door.
 
Only, this little bird is much too fast.  No sooner does Mommy think she has the little one cornered, then it zips around the rake's fingers and further into the garage.
 
One try, then two.  Ten tries, and still it won't do.
 
"UGH!"  Mommy groans and grits her teeth.  "Why won't this hummingbird listen to me?"
 
Daddy tries not to laugh, however I'm getting nervous.  The little hummingbird is zipping faster, I think it might be scared.
 
Is there anything that we can do?
 
"I know!"  Mommy calls and heads outside.
 
She returns a few seconds later with some fresh cut Irises in her hand.  She holds them up like a mighty trophy.  Wait, is she hoping this bird will land on the flowers that are less than two feet away from her face?
 
"UGH!"  She yells again.  "Why isn't this working!?  I give up!  I'm going inside."
 
Into the house, Mommy storms.  Leaving Daddy and me alone to tend to the bird.
 
"Don't tell Mommy," Daddy quietly says before weaving the Irises through the rake's fingers.  
 
What is he doing?  Has Daddy gone crazy?
 
Now, he is lifting the Iris decorated rake up just like Mommy did.
 
Silly Daddy, doesn't he know it won't work.  Didn't he see how much Mommy struggled, how much...
 
"There we go."
 
I watch in awed silence.  The hummingbird pauses to give the Irises a sniff.  It flits to the left, then lands on one of the rake's teeth!
 
It holds completely still while Daddy slowly moves.  He lowers the rake just enough to lean it out of the open window.
 
As soon as the sun bounces off the hummingbird's shiny feathers, the little bird flies away.  Free from all this crazy.
 
"Are you KIDDING me?!?!?!?"
 
Both of us jump and gawk at a glaring Mommy.  She fumes, she seethes, she looks mad as can be.  
 
"You knew what to do the whole time?"
 
"Umm, umm," Daddy stutters and coughs.  "I love you?"
 
Well, Daddy.  You may know how to handle a hummingbird, but definitely not your wife.
 
 
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