Diabolical Croissants and Scones

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 As Logged By:

Agent West

 

 A Mommy's afternoon luncheon

Has me feeling stuck in a dungeon.

A chicken salad croissant

Is not what I want.

 

A scone is all I get to eat.

While I itch in my seat.

Gurgle, gurgle, with every bite.

Something's not sitting right.

 

 I'm stuck in a high-chair with a blue polka dotted bow-tie.  
 
How in diabolical names did I get stuck here?
 
First it was a horse show with a mock cowboy outfit, now I look like a silly billy at some fancy shmancy...  thing.
 
What is this thing I've been dragged to?
 
It isn't lunch and it can't be snack.  No one with half a brain would eat whatever that grey stuff on the cracker is.  All the mommies are dressed in old fashioned dresses and nearly every other baby was smart enough to pretend to be sick to get out of coming to this.  
 
"Oh, dearest Tanya," Mommy breathlessly talks like someone from those corny romance novels she hides in her closet.  "Isn't this tea divine."
 
"Splendid, indeed," her friend says just as breathlessly.  
 
On top of the weird breathless talk, they keep waving their hands in some odd, grandeur fashion.  What, exactly, is in this tea?
 
Regardless, this diabolical dude is getting bored.  Time to stir up some itty bitty trouble.
 
"WWAA!"  I warn.  "WWAAAHHHH!!!"  I let my chin tremble.  Mommy's eyes open wide, she shirks and turns toward me.  She looks like she wants to hide.
 
"Here, here," she hurriedly grabs anything she can find.  "Here's a croissant chicken salad sandwich.  Just eat it, West.  Please, don't cry."
 
I look down at the sandwich.  I am a little hungry.
 
I give it a sniff.  Is that a grape in it?
 
I try a bite.  Nibble, nibble.  YUK!  Patooey!  
 
Whatever I just tasted was not a chicken salad sandwich.
 
"WWAAAAHHH!!"  
 
"Fine, fine.  Here's a scone," Mommy says and throws a hard wedge on my plate.
 
I give it a look and raise an eyebrow up at her.
 
"Don't make that face at me, young man.  I've seen you gobble down pebbles."
 
Hehe!  I did do that.  Not because they were tasty, but to drive Mommy crazy.
 
"It's a strawberry scone.  Like a sweet biscuit.  A biscuit muffin!"  She beams at her creativity.  "There, just think of it as a biscuit muffin."
 
Hmmmmm...
 
I am hungry and I do like biscuits.  I, also, like muffins.  
 
I break off a corner and give it a scan.  I guess I can eat this.  I guess I can.
 
Nibble, nibble.
 
GURGLE!
 
Wow, I must be hungrier than I thought.  I haven't heard my tummy grumble like that since I ate that one stuff.
 
Nibble, nibble.
 
GURGLE!
 
Ugh, my gas is starting to hurt.
 
Nibble, nibble.
 
GGGUUUUURRRRGGGGLLLLLEEEEE!!!
 
"I see your son is enjoying the enticing scones I made today."
 
"Yes," Mommy gives a grandeur wave.  "He's simply loving every last crumb."
 
"I'm so glad.  They're gluten free and sugar free."
 
"Gluten free?  And sugar free?"  Mommy practically gasps.  She starts to twitch.  "What ingredients did you use, if I may ask?  West has a few sensitivities"
 
GGGGUUUUUUURRRRGGGGLLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!
 
I'll say!  Those sensitivities are about to come out of my rear end.
 
"Well, first I used...."
 
PPPPHHHHHHRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!!!
 
"Ooooohhhh, nnnnnoooooooo."  Mommy groans.
 
 
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