Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

As Logged By: Agent West   When something is stinky I want to stir every last bit. Shall I use only my pinky Or dunk my whole hand into the mix?   Do I stir poopy for pleasure Or to enhance my diabolical side? My poopy does look like a treasure Just waiting for me to see what's inside.   Well, that does it.  Mommy has bought me a potty. "I can't stand the idea of cleaning one more poopy diaper," I heard Mommy confess one night.  I won't lie, hearing that made me smile with glee. You see, I take great pride in making my poopy extra messy.  It takes diabolical skill to fall on the ground at just the right angle to get my poopy to splatter and smear everywhere in my diaper.  What a mess Mommy and Daddy have on their hands!  Oh, how I love acting so diabolically bad. Never did I imagine, though, that she would stoop to buying me a potty.  Agent Rose may love hers, but I prefer making things messy, not keeping them neat.

As Logged By: Agent Rose     Peanut butter is gooey and sticky And clings to my chin. At first peanut butter felt real icky, But one taste and I had to grin.   Daddy thinks it's out of my reach. That silly, silly man. I guess I'll have to teach that this diabolical sweetie can stand!   We babies know a lot more than Mommies and Daddies think.  Our wants may be simple, but our thoughts are diabolically unique.  Of course we know how to sit and stand, though we enjoy being carried around.  And we also know that the longer we make Mommy and Daddy wait for us to sit, stand, and walk, the giddier they'll become. The more at our mercy they will be! A case in point happened just this week: I have purposefully been holding off standing because Daddy has become rather antsy to have me start walking.  He still loves to carry me, but I've heard him on the phone.  I've heard him using my accomplishments as rights to brag. And d

As Logged By: Agent Chase   That's it.  Mommy and Daddy have cracked. I've taken being diabolical too far And I doubt there will be any taking it back. They are acting most bizarre!   One is a mathematician.  The other can build a house Faster than a magician. Now they act like Goofy and Minnie Mouse!   Being diabolical takes a lot out of a baby.  Nap times become essential if one wants to keep up the mastery of their diabolicalness.  But there always manages to be that one nap that just won't last. I could roll over on my side, I could roll over on my belly.  I could put my butt in the air, I could strike another pose.  One that's real funny.  No matter what, though,  I just can't fall back asleep. It was during one of these naps where I learned that Mommy and Daddy have truly snapped. I heard giggling coming from the kitchen and I just had to investigate.  I may be diabolical, but I'm a curious baby too. I tiptoe cr

As Logged By: Agent West   Mommy thinks it's so adorable When she takes a nap with me. Let's not forget that I'm abominable And I love acting diabolically.   When Mommy is fast asleep, I scoot to her face real slowly And without making a peep Until my smelly wind comes blowing.   Agent Rose has me thinking, a dangerous thing for someone as suspicious as me.  She is so good at looking cute and nails it so perfectly.  And then turns it around on her Mommy and Daddy by doing something most diabolically. I'll dare to bet that I can pull off looking cute, too.  And do something truly diabolical.  Something that'll make me abominably proud. "Okay, Little West.  It's time for your cute tushy to take a nap," Mommy interrupts my thoughts before lulling me to sleep. I wake with a shock.  A realization, if you please.  My tushy is CUTE!  Mommy said so, you see.   Speaking of Mommy, I know where she is.  Why, she's

As Logged By: Agent Rose   When being cute comes so naturally, You'd think this baby was innocent and sweet.  Not one that took pride in acting diabolically. And, sadly, my parents think they've got me beat!   They have caught on to my scheme And waged dastardly plans of their own. But things aren't always what they seem. Just wait until I have them alone!    They bought a pen!  One without a door to crack and break. And that sneaky Mommy and conniving Daddy have set it up in the living room, where they can always have an eye on me. "There," said Mommy once they finished snapping all the pieces together.  "Let's see her get out of that." I hang my head in shame as I admit that I have yet to break through the colorful, woven plastic barrier.  I tried using the kiddie screwdriver to no avail.  The soft teddy was too squishy to give me a boost.  A blow torch might work, though I don't quite know where I'

As Logged By: Agent Chase   When the baby is tired And trying to sleep Don't do something that'll get you fired. Let her count her sheep.   What is this? You still want to wake me up And end my moment of bliss? No, no.  I'm now waking you up!   When a baby is sleeping so quiet and still, you'd think Mommy and Daddy would be happy.  You'd think they'd be thrilled.  Agent Rose had this same issue.  She had parents waking her up in the middle of the night and solved it almost immediately with her diabolical cuteness. Trust me, this captain is very proud. But what to do?  I'm not as diabolically cute as her.  In case you forgot, I apparently look like an old man.  I am baby Jean-Luc Picard. I still tried Agent Rose's way.  I still tried to look too diabolically cute to wake up.  But, alas, it was to no avail.  Mommy and Daddy kept nudging and talking until I gave in and drank some milk. Now, they do concede a

As Logged By: Agent West   It's payback time! Oh, yes it is!  And This Diabolical man has the perfect crime Committed with phone in hand.   Do I look adorable holding your phone? How about more like abominable! Neighbor Patricia gossip?  What a groan! Now I must act dishonorable.   Agent Chase has given the command!  Payback time toward the phone is at hand.  And speaking of hands, I have quite an idea.  If Mommy is so attached to that phone, why not use it as my diabolical weapon of attack?  "I told Patricia not to go out with him," Mommy babbles into the phone, making me give an eye roll. Honestly, is there nothing else to talk about than neighbor Patricia and her date nights?  Patricia this...  Patricia that...  Yakety, yak, yak, yak.   This little dude can't take too much more of that.  Thank goodness for Agent Chase's command.  Thank goodness for this payback. Now, come closer Mommy.  Notice how I stare up at you so wide e

As Logged By: Agent Rose   It is gooey and sticky And fills up my diaper, Making my bottom feel icky. I don't think it can smell any riper!   Now, how do I convince Mommy, And Daddy too, To let me go with a bare bummy?  I know!  I'll train them with my poo!   While the boys have declared war on the phone, I'm on a different mission.  You see, I don't like a messy diaper.  I'm a clean freak, okay!  Always have been and always will be. And I have an idea, a sweetly diabolical one.  If I can train Mommy and Daddy to let me sleep, why not take it a step further and train them on how to handle my poopy time? It was a mission I started as a newly born baby.  At just a week old, I waited for a diaper change to let my poopy go.  You'd think Mommy and Daddy would be grateful.  You'd think they'd get the clue.  It wasn't easy holding that poopy in at one week old, you know! Instead, they comp

As Logged By: Agent Chase When Mommy and Daddy are stuck to their phone And their eyes have started to glaze. Don't even try to whine and moan. Do something that will truly amaze!   If you want to have fun and play Grabbing the phone will grab their attention.  You can hide it for the rest of the day, But I have another idea to mention. I like to think of myself as a mildly-mannered, patient baby.  After all, I've been compared to Patrick Stewart and taken on the Puppy while keeping my poise.  But I say!  I'm still a baby that wants to play.  I don't want to wait, yet Mommy seems to think that I have all day! "Baba!"  I call out. "Hang on, Chase.  Mommy's checking something," she says with only a single glance away from her phone.  Back to the phone her attention goes and I am not okay with that. "BABA!"  I give her my warning. "One second, Baby." That's it!  As the Diaboli

 As Logged By: Agent West   When throwing a fit is not enough, A baby has only one other choice. If they want to make life a little tough, Don't bother screaming and hurting your voice.   Go limp is what I say. Relax every muscle from arm to leg. You'll be harder to lift than wet clay. It'll surely get Mommy and Daddy to beg! My fellow Diabolical Drei, I have discovered something new and I wish to share it with you.  It is positively evil, so maniacally simple.  I don't know how I didn't discover it before. I thought screaming and yelling would be enough to drive Mommy and Daddy mad.  I naively assumed that the shrill pierce of my high pitched wail in their ears was all it would take to do the trick, but Mommy and Daddy are smarter than I thought. They now carry ear plugs in their pockets! If I try to throw a fit.  If they won't let me grab or go where I want and I start to scream, into their pockets they shove their hands to pul

As Logged By: Agent Rose   They might sparkle and dance, But these spectacles are quite diabolical.  Want one in your hand?  You stand no chance! They are not only diabolical.  They're maniacal! Catching a rainbow is more difficult than it seems. You think you have it in your grasp, But one move and those little beams Are back on the floor.  Gasp!   A day off is nice.  I love being diabolical, I do.  But everyone needs a day off and I use mine to continue my efforts at solving the all perplexing question:  How does one catch a rainbow? I first discovered these little beams in a moment of embarrassment.  I had grabbed Daddy's keyboard and was pulling it along behind me most diabolically, when a sparkle on the ground distracted me. There before me lay dozens of rainbows dancing on the floor.  I reached out to grab one and the little thing jumped from the floor to the top of my hand. Good enough, I thought and started to pull my hand ba

As Logged By: Agent Chase   Look at how I clap so cutely. You just have to clap as well. Could it be that I am acting diabolically And testing ways to get you under my spell?   Soon you'll be doing as I say and I'll celebrate with a bottle or two. It is only the beginning of May. We'll see what I have you doing in June!   I can't believe how easy this has been.  Who knew that a little delightful entertainment could result in turning my parents into puppets? I recently learned to clap and I am very proud of that.  The sound of my hands smacking together makes me laugh until I have to do it again.  But then I noticed that it also made my parents giggle with delight.  So, what did this diabolical baby do? Nothing.  Nothing at all. I sat and watched my parents, looking completely innocent as I did, and waited for them to start clapping.  Only then did I clap too. Now I know what you are thinking.  Exactly who is the puppet here?

As Logged By: Agent West   I may have a black eye or two.  It comes with the territory of being adorably bad. Bumps and bruises are nothing new When dealing with Little JimJim when he's mad.   That cousin may have gotten a few good hits in, But I've been trained diabolically.  This fight Little JimJim didn't win. He'll think twice next time he deals with me.   "Guess what, West!  You get to meet your cousin today!" My what?  Who?  No, no, no.  This can't be.  I have a meeting scheduled.  The Diabolical Drei must get together.  It's been too long since we made plans to advance our Diabolical Baby Brigade.  Before I have a chance to leave, though, Mommy grabs me and forces me into an early bath. Not so fast, Mommy!  Not only are you forcing me to cancel my plans, but now you think that you can make me take a bath.  Oh, how foolish thou art! Up and down my arms and legs flail.  Water splashing until everything