Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West   All I did was catch a cold That put the whole house on hold. Mommy and Daddy will not rest Until this diabolical dude feels his best.   But, now I'm stuck with a balloon Pinned to me like an annoying buffoon. Is there some way I can switch this? I'll convince Mommy with a little kiss.    "Is he fevered?!"   Daddy rushes to get the thermometer, while Mommy presses her mouth to my forehead.     "I think he's normal, but he could be hiding it!"   "Is it possible to hide a fever?"  Daddy asks when he returns.   "With West, it is."   Thank you, Mommy.  Thank you for the compliment.  But, still.  It's only a cold.  A few sniffles, a stuffy nose.  Sure, I'm a little achy and my throat may be scratchy.  But, it's still only a cold.   "Should we take him to the doctor?"   "NO!  He laughed at us the last time West had a cold.  He wouldn't believe anything ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Only such a cutie as me Can drink tea so diabolically. Oolong, jasmine, black, and green And everything in between.   What's this steaming in Mommy's cup? Something to help her stay up? Ooh, a coffee of Irish Creme? It needs a pinch to make Mommy scream.   Look at how cute I am!   Drinking out of Mommy's giant tea mug.   Sip, sip.  Aah, such a delight green tea can be.   "I'm telling you, Joanna, you've got to try this new Fire Department Coffee brew.  I LOVE it," Mommy expertly exaggerates her statement with a long wave of one arm and a large mug in the other.  Meanwhile, a new friend, whom I assume is Joanna, carefully follows behind with a mug clasped tight between both of her hands.   "It certainly sounds yummy.  I've never heard of Irish Creme coffee before."   I tip my head back to enjoy another sip of tea, but this diabolical sweetie has drunk her mug dry.  I pout out my lower ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    This baby can't stop drawing While Mommy is daughter-in-lawing. But, when I've run out of notepaper The only option is wallpaper.   This mastermind's creativity will shine Right next to Gram's coastline. Squiggles and swirls all around Dear Mommy can't make a sound!     "That is soooo adorable!"  Gram squeezes at my cheeks after I show her another masterpiece.  This one is not just squiggles, but squiggles AND scratches.     All in purple.    "You're almost at the end of your notebook, Sweetie," Mommy nervously notices.   "Oh, stop it."  Gram flaps her disciplining hand at Mommy.  "Let the baby have some fun.  When her dad was that age, he couldn't stop drawing all over.  And I do mean ALL over."   Gram pumps her brows, giving Mommy some kind of hint.   What is she saying?  Why can't I understand it?   The tension of confusion gets to this diab...

 As Logged By:  Agent West    A diabolical plan is overdue. One that will leave Mommy in a stew. Messy popcorn and pickles galore That's what I have in store!   But Mommy's already screaming. She's running about and daydreaming. Has she finally gone completely mad After scribbling all day in her notepad?    Here comes Agent West with popcorn.   Do da, do da.   Here comes Agent West with more.   Oh, the do da day!   And this diabolical dude has more than just popcorn.  That is only for starters.  I think I will pour some on the couch, knock some in the bed, and possibly, just possibly, get some stuck in Mommy's hair.   Next will be the pickles.     I will smear some pickle on this window, then that one.  I will give the kitchen table an extra pickly shine.   HEY!   Watch it!   Mommy hardly notices that she almost ran over me.  I haven't even started to move yet.  I am still ...

 As Logged By:  Agent Rose   Cousin Molly is being nice? I'd rather trust a pack of mice. Chocolates just for me? Is this really what I see?   Delectable chocolates look so yummy! Gurgle, gurgle goes my tummy.  Should I enjoy this chocolatey snack? Or has Molly planned a sneaky attack!?     "Happy Valentine's Day!  Don't you look adorable, little Rosie."   Adorable?  This sweetie is dressed all in pink.  I could manage that, but not the hearts sticking up from my head.   "Yeah," Cousin Molly snickers to her friends.  "An adorable, pink little alien."   "Ha ha!"  Laugh her friends.   You better watch it, Cousin Molly, or I might have a diabolical valentine for you.  What should I give her?  Hmm...  A stink bomb?   No, Agent Chase already uses too many of those.   A spritz from my stinky teddy bear?   Can't, Daddy confiscated that.  Don't worry, I won't let my teddy go f...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   A Mommy's party sounds like fun Until a dastardly dead is done. Giggles and laughter all around, Meanwhile Daddy's lying on the ground.    Someone's about to break a sweat. For one should never forget That murder takes the cake For the ladies that bake!     Hurry, scurry, go, go ,go!   Mommy's rushing all around.   Cleaning the kitchen, sweeping the floors.  Turn on the vacuum and run it some more!   "They'll be here any minute.  Does the house look okay?"   Daddy glances up from his book.  "Everything looks great.  Why don't you take a second to relax?"   "Do you remember what you need to do?"  Mommy bulges her eyes as she asks, to which Daddy gives a hearty nod.  Still, Mommy has to confess, "I'm so nervous.  I've never done anything like this."   "Just relax," Daddy begs.   DING DING DONG!   Though I prepare for Mommy to scream, instead she freeze...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   Wiggle, wiggle I'm so squirmy Worse than a baby wormy! Mommy wants to pick me up, But I'm not going to letup.   Wibble, wobble, tumble down Now this baby has a great big frown. How will I ever feel better? Definitely not in this wool sweater!    What is it with Mommy and her crazy need to dress me in dorky, wool sweaters?   Do you know what is knitted into the front of this sweater!?!?!?!?     A dancing Christmas tree.   Christmas was a month and a half ago!  But, Mommy doesn't care.  Mommy is 'oohing' and 'ahhing' and squeezing her cheeks as she gawks at me.   "You look so adorable!"  She squeals.  "You're my little dancing tree."   I'm a baby, not a tree.  If I could grumble, I would.  If I could spout back, I would.  If I could walk over and give her a toot that would make her fall on her back, I certainly would.      AND IT ITCHES!!!!!! ...