Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Oh, this ache along my gum Has me gnawing till it's numb. A pair of keys and a plastic cup Aren't able to hold up.   Oh, this pain is growing worse. I'm even gnawing on Mommy's purse! How will I ever sleep at night? Wait, what's this in my bite?    Ech!  Ahh!  Ooh!   Oh, my gums!  They hurt, they hurt.  This pain is a diabolical curse.   What monstrosity has happened to me to make my gums ache so heavily?  I must chew on something soon, I must ease this pain as only chewing can do.   I crawl, I crawl.  All along the ground.  I crawl around until something for me to chew can be found.     A banana?  Too soft.  That and this one is a sneaky surprise I've set for Mommy to find in a month or so.  It already has turned oozy and a little gooey.     I crawl, I crawl.  What is there to help my aching gums?   A teddy bear might work, but o...

 As Logged By: Agent West   Easter Sunday came and went Without me making a stinky scent. I sat in church and heard good news With everyone stationed in lined up pews.   This diabolical dude was good I did exactly as I should. But time has come to make a mess Who's that bunny in the dress?    Get this tie off of me!   I did my duty and not the kind that goes in the diaper.  I sat perfectly still, I didn't even make a sound.  I listened to the pastor before being whisked away to play in the children's section.    This diabolical dude knows when to be abominable and when to behave, but the diabolicalness is getting to me.  I need to drive someone crazy.   PPPHHHHHRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFTTTTHHHHHHPPPPPPTTTT!   "Well who didn't see that coming?"  Mommy sarcastically spouts and hauls me to the bedroom to change my diaper out.   Back in my comfy clothes, I look about as Mommy carries me through the hall.     W...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Daddy showed up at Chase's With a fanny pack from his races. A hairy, beer gut design!? I want to cry and whine.   This cutie plans to get him back When we head to the Sporting Shack.  Mommy asks him to hold her purse So, a baby doll can't be any worse!   Playtime at Chase's is always a blast, especially now that we have lined up the entire Garfield cast.   I squeeze Odie with a great big hug, then I plop him on top of Nermal and make a great, loud, "PPHHHHHFFFRRRRRTTTTTT!" with my mouth.   PPPPPPHHHHHHHFFFFFFFRRRRRRTTTTTHHHHHHHHPPPPPP!   Oopsies, I guess I had some that need to also come out.   DING DONG!   "Oh, good," Chase's mom says with a sigh.  "You're here just in time.  I think little Rosie just went potty."   In walks Daddy and I'm ready to grin.  But...  But...   BUT...   What do I see?   A huge, hairy gut sticking out and staring at me.   "AAAHHHHHH...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    Mommy's ready to drive To a luncheon date at The Hive. What better way to make her frazzle Than by letting my diabolical side dazzle?   Where, oh where could I be hiding? Under the table or behind the dividing?  Silly Mommy thinks she's won.  The car seat battle is on!    Up the stairs and down the hall.   Mommy huffs and puffs.  All while I play with my ball.   "Where are you!?"  She screeches.  Her freshly done hair starting to turn into a frizzy mess.  "We need to leave now."   Where am I hiding, you ask?   Why, right beside her purse.  The only place she'll never look.    "I will find you, Chase!"  Mommy warns.  "This is THE place to eat lunch... apparently... and I promised Heidi that I would be there at one on the dot."   Wait...   We're going to be with Heidi?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?   Oh, no, no, no, no, no.     I tuck m...

 As Logged By: Agent West   All I did was catch a cold That put the whole house on hold. Mommy and Daddy will not rest Until this diabolical dude feels his best.   But, now I'm stuck with a balloon Pinned to me like an annoying buffoon. Is there some way I can switch this? I'll convince Mommy with a little kiss.    "Is he fevered?!"   Daddy rushes to get the thermometer, while Mommy presses her mouth to my forehead.     "I think he's normal, but he could be hiding it!"   "Is it possible to hide a fever?"  Daddy asks when he returns.   "With West, it is."   Thank you, Mommy.  Thank you for the compliment.  But, still.  It's only a cold.  A few sniffles, a stuffy nose.  Sure, I'm a little achy and my throat may be scratchy.  But, it's still only a cold.   "Should we take him to the doctor?"   "NO!  He laughed at us the last time West had a cold.  He wouldn't believe anything ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Only such a cutie as me Can drink tea so diabolically. Oolong, jasmine, black, and green And everything in between.   What's this steaming in Mommy's cup? Something to help her stay up? Ooh, a coffee of Irish Creme? It needs a pinch to make Mommy scream.   Look at how cute I am!   Drinking out of Mommy's giant tea mug.   Sip, sip.  Aah, such a delight green tea can be.   "I'm telling you, Joanna, you've got to try this new Fire Department Coffee brew.  I LOVE it," Mommy expertly exaggerates her statement with a long wave of one arm and a large mug in the other.  Meanwhile, a new friend, whom I assume is Joanna, carefully follows behind with a mug clasped tight between both of her hands.   "It certainly sounds yummy.  I've never heard of Irish Creme coffee before."   I tip my head back to enjoy another sip of tea, but this diabolical sweetie has drunk her mug dry.  I pout out my lower ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    This baby can't stop drawing While Mommy is daughter-in-lawing. But, when I've run out of notepaper The only option is wallpaper.   This mastermind's creativity will shine Right next to Gram's coastline. Squiggles and swirls all around Dear Mommy can't make a sound!     "That is soooo adorable!"  Gram squeezes at my cheeks after I show her another masterpiece.  This one is not just squiggles, but squiggles AND scratches.     All in purple.    "You're almost at the end of your notebook, Sweetie," Mommy nervously notices.   "Oh, stop it."  Gram flaps her disciplining hand at Mommy.  "Let the baby have some fun.  When her dad was that age, he couldn't stop drawing all over.  And I do mean ALL over."   Gram pumps her brows, giving Mommy some kind of hint.   What is she saying?  Why can't I understand it?   The tension of confusion gets to this diab...