Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase     I've been wrapped and swaddled And definitely don't feel coddled. Now a camera is in my face And flashing all over the place.   Mommy's hair is looking cute And Daddy's staying mute. I think I'll have some fun And send the photographer on a run.    Oomph!  Eek!     This thing is wrapped around me so tight that I can barely breathe!   "Are you sure she's comfortable?"  Daddy hesitantly asks.   "UGH!  Of course," Mommy groans, "babies love to be swaddled.  Chase is just being ornery."   Swaddled, yes.  Wrapped this tight?  NO!    "Is that your baby's name?  Chase?"  Asks a young man carrying a camera.     Wait a minute!  What's that camera for?  We're not taking pictures again, are we?  We've already been through this, just a month ago.  Why do you need so many pictures?  Aren't three or four enough!?!?!? ...

 As Logged By: Agent West    A Mommy's afternoon luncheon Has me feeling stuck in a dungeon. A chicken salad croissant Is not what I want.   A scone is all I get to eat. While I itch in my seat. Gurgle, gurgle, with every bite. Something's not sitting right.    I'm stuck in a high-chair with a blue polka dotted bow-tie.     How in diabolical names did I get stuck here?   First it was a horse show with a mock cowboy outfit, now I look like a silly billy at some fancy shmancy...  thing.   What is this thing I've been dragged to?   It isn't lunch and it can't be snack.  No one with half a brain would eat whatever that grey stuff on the cracker is.  All the mommies are dressed in old fashioned dresses and nearly every other baby was smart enough to pretend to be sick to get out of coming to this.     "Oh, dearest Tanya," Mommy breathlessly talks like someone from those corny romance novels she hides in...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    A moment of comfy quiet Has turned into quite the riot! Buzz, buzz, hum, HUM! Is there a rocket near my eardrum?   Now someone is completely trapped And Mommy's almost snapped. Is there a way to save this little one? Can an Iris get it done?    Oh, yes.  This little cutie is ready for a nap.   Mommy and Daddy are working outside.  They're pulling weeds and trimming trees.  They're hauling mulch and planting pots.  Enough to make them drip, drip, drip with sweat.   Did I consider using this moment to my advantage?  Did I feel the urge to sneak in a diabolical catastrophe?    Of course!   I am a member of the Diabolical Drei, after all.   Then, I remembered that I have a birthday coming up and there is a big, big, BIG teddy bear that I would love for them to buy.  So, I'll give them a break this one single time.  That, and I really don't want to get all their sweat o...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Mommy's precious sanity time Has turned into a karate climb. Now I'm sitting next to stinky socks Wondering why they're balancing on rocks.   Mommy's talking is going well, When, suddenly, there's a stinky smell. Everyone wants to think it's me But, could it really be Mommy?    I'm so, so, so, so bored.   I'm the only baby in here, so that means I'm stuck alone in a portable play pen.  Meanwhile, Mommy's doing some sort of obstacle course.  Whatever it is, she's sweating and panting worse than a horse.   If only I had my diabolical tools.  I could be plotting and planning while no one is watching.  I could come up with many a great scheme and some tremendous ideas to drive Mommy and Daddy crazy.  To make a perfect stink!   PHEW!   Speaking of stink, couldn't Mommy have set my play pen somewhere else?  This basket of socks is putrid beyond stink.  Any worse and it would be giving ...

As Logged By: Agent West   This dude got a little confused. Otherwise, I would have refused. Now I'm stuck in a fancy getup, That itches whenever I hiccup.   Uh oh, lunch is done digesting Right when Sassy is besting. This toot's about to explode And cause quite an episode!    A big horse!?!?!?   That's what Mommy meant?  I thought we were going to a big show.  I thought I was going to laugh until milk spewed out of my nose.   NOPE!   Now, I'm sitting in a great big barn that smells like a mess of horse poop, hairspray, and dust.  I'm not allowed to make a sound or even move.  Worst of all, I'm wearing boots that are way too big, jeans, and a button up made of something that definitely does not qualify as soft.   "Achoo!"   "Is the dust getting to you, West?"   Eek, eh!  This button up itches worse than a rotting diaper.    "Achoo!"   Aah!  No more, I can't take this itchy mess.   Another...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    A heavy sleeper, I usually am But not after a fright with eggs and ham. How will I get any sleep? It makes me want to weep!   Is Daddy calling for me? Something's wrong, says he? I'm so confused, or completely asleep That I end up making him weep.    I'm so tired!   All I want is to fall asleep, yet all I see with closed eyes is that nasty fright of egg and ham NON-delight.   Daddy thought he'd be funny.  Mommy thought it was a blast.  I was the one crying, and do you know why!?   My eggs and ham were covered in green!   Oh, yes.  They thought they'd read a book to me, then finish it off by serving eggs and ham with sauce that was so scary and green!   I refused to eat it.  I cried and cried.   So, I ended up going to bed with only a little milk and some carrot puree.  Barely enough to count as a meal.  I'm so hungry now.  Oh, my tummy hurts.  How will I ever ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Oh, this ache along my gum Has me gnawing till it's numb. A pair of keys and a plastic cup Aren't able to hold up.   Oh, this pain is growing worse. I'm even gnawing on Mommy's purse! How will I ever sleep at night? Wait, what's this in my bite?    Ech!  Ahh!  Ooh!   Oh, my gums!  They hurt, they hurt.  This pain is a diabolical curse.   What monstrosity has happened to me to make my gums ache so heavily?  I must chew on something soon, I must ease this pain as only chewing can do.   I crawl, I crawl.  All along the ground.  I crawl around until something for me to chew can be found.     A banana?  Too soft.  That and this one is a sneaky surprise I've set for Mommy to find in a month or so.  It already has turned oozy and a little gooey.     I crawl, I crawl.  What is there to help my aching gums?   A teddy bear might work, but o...