Showing posts from July, 2021

Pulling out Daddy's hair

 As Logged By: Agent Chase It's such a terrible thing. Daddy is already losing his hair, But it's so funny when he sings Like a great, big bear. Pulling out Daddy's hair is fun. It makes me giggle with glee. I'll have a handful when I'm done As long as Daddy doesn't drop me. He really is going bald. That shiny, hairless patch grows bigger every day.  Poor Daddy, at thirty-five you must be getting old.  Borderline ancient! Hmmm... Daddy doesn't look so bad without hair.  Maybe I should do something to hurry his balding along.  Something most diabolical, too.  Something that would make Agent West and Agent Rose most proud of this delightfully devious baby. Hair removal cream in the shampoo bottle? Nah...  too overdone. Automatic shaver that'll drop from the ceiling and shave Daddy's head while he sleeps? No way!...  too risky. What about a stink bomb powerful enough to singe his hair to stubble?  Would that even be possible?  Agent West claims it is af

I save my farts for Mommy

 As Logged By: Agent West I have three stinky toots. Each one carefully saved In the canister next to my boots For when I need Mommy to cave. Is she refusing me beef stew Or chatting on the phone too much? Complaining about the tantrum I threw? There's a surprise waiting in the hutch. I DON'T WANT A BATH!!!! "WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" "Stop your tantrum, West," Mommy spouts with a huff.  "You stink and need a bath.  That's final!" I flail my arms.  I kick my legs.  I splash and scream and splash and wail... But Mommy still got me clean.  Even the dirt I was hiding behind my ears and between my toes is gone.  Here I sit all spick and span.  AND FUMING!    I'm one diabolical baby ready for revenge! I look over at my boots, but I am thinking of the canister hiding behind them.  Agent Chase's newest invention:  A way to save every single fart at its peak of smelliness.  Not just released.  Not when it's fading.  But when it is perfectly stink