Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West Daddy's sleeping on the floor Right where I like to play. Watching him is such a bore. Ooh, an idea, if I may. Should I swing my arm and Bop him on his toes Or should I smack him on the hand? I know, I'll sock him on the nose. I leave for one minute to make a farting teddy bear for Agent Rose and what do I come home to? Daddy asleep on the floor and snoring as loud as a boar.  Apparently, I have been a little soft on him.  Apparently, he thinks he can get away with falling asleep right where I like to play. I'm too diabolical to just go around him to get to my toys.  This is a golden opportunity.  A silver platter just waiting for my abominable touch. Should I toot my heinie right in his face?  I've already done that to Mommy.  Should I fill his pockets with cream of wheat?  Perhaps another time.  Ooh, what if I saw the floor out from under him?  No, no, no.  I don't know how to use a saw yet. What to do, what to do?  Wait a minute... What

 As Logged By: Agent Rose I've finally gotten my cutey sleep. So, this diabolical baby is ready. Auntie P, you mean, old bleepedy bleep Now you must face my teddy. I thought Agent West's gift Was just a little bit odd Until I squeezed and caught a whiff Of what came out of teddy's bod. He made it oh, so diabolically and all just for me.  That sweet Agent West.  If this works, I might have to give him a kiss. Nah,  How gross would that be? What is this gift, you might suspiciously ask.  Oh, it's nothing really.  Just a plain old teddy bear.  Hehehe. Knock.  Knock.   I get in position as Mommy opens the door.  Nothing to see here.  I'm only a little, cute baby playing with her plain, old teddy bear.  Hehehe. "There she is!"  Auntie P squeals and picks me up.  To the couch she carries me and sits me on her lap.  "Now, you stay right here and be good for Auntie P." Sure thing, Auntie P.  I'll stay right here.  Now, you had better be good. Do yo

 As Logged By: Agent Chase And Featuring The Puppy Well, well, well Puppy It looks like we meet again. I will turn you into a guppy As easily as Agent Rose with her pen.   Are you going to chase your tail Or yip and yap with glee? I'll get you like yesterday's mail. Don't even think of hugging me.   "Yip!  Yip!"   Came the distinct sound that woke me this morning.  Was it a bird?  Was it a phone's ring?  Neither.  It was Mommy's friend coming to visit and bringing her puppy too.   This was no random puppy, though.   This was the same little, cutey wutey who chases his tail and yips with glee...   PUPPY!    The one that foiled my so awesomely awesome plan before.  The one that so deviously distracted everyone, including me, just by chasing his tail.  Well, two can play at this game. It's time for a delightfully diabolical showdown, Puppy.  Just you and me. The howl of a cold wind whooshes all around.  I stand on one side of the room and glare at the Pup

 As Logged By: Agent West His plush coat is squishy And he's okay if my hugs aren't warm. Sometimes they're a little pushy Or as scary as a bee swarm. What can I say? I'm a diabolical dude. I'm not of the warm and fuzzy way, Unless a booboo changes my mood. I've fallen and scraped my knee! Look at me!  Just look at me.  Mr. Diabolical Dude is blubbering and crying and whining.  Oh, my knee hurts so bad! "West, what happened?"  Mommy comes running for me.  "Did you slip on the rocks, baby boy?  Did you hurt your knee?" Duh!   Can't you see?!!  Now fix my knee.  It's starting to sting. I know I'm diabolical.  I know I can be crazy.  But I'm still a baby.  Ow!  Ow, ow, ow, ow. Mommy picks me up and carries me inside.  She sits me at the sink and gives my booboo a once over.   "Oh, no.  There's some rocks stuck," she explains with a sorry look at me.  "This is going to hurt, little man."  And she reaches fo

As Logged By: Agent Rose My room is cozy And, oh, so warm. Then someone a bit too nosy Compared it to a dorm. Auntie P is going to pay Once I finally get some sleep. Don't worry, I'll find a way To make that nosy shrew weep. "You can't possibly be letting her sleep in here," Auntie P declared the other day.  "There is a draft in this corner and look at how the sun shines in.  She'll never sleep a wink!" Mommy and Daddy foolishly listened to that nosy, old goat of an aunt.  Now, I'm sleeping in a corner in their room.  Do you know what that means? Daddy snores all night long and Mommy's constantly getting up to pee.  Never sleep a wink?  Good job, Auntie P.  Now I'm not. It is wrecking havoc on my cutie sleep! I was sleeping just fine in my cozy, little bed in my cozy, totally-isolated-from-my-parents room. "GRRaaahhhhhh," Daddy snores out loud.    "Honey," Mommy whispers her yell and nudges Daddy with her fist.  "

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Looking like Patrick Stewart Might have started my mission And made this sweet baby convert, But Mommy has given me a suspicion. I might be a captain That's leading the next generation While Mommy's original series fashion Has a whole different destination. Do I dare say it?  Is this even possible?  How could something so huge go unnoticed?  How did I not know? Is Mommy diabolical, too?! "Are you sure?"  Mommy asked of Daddy last week, her lips pinched and eyebrows raised.  A conniving glint in her eye caught my attention and I started to become suspicious. Daddy instantly nodded.  "Yes, I'm sure." "You wouldn't rather I be doing something else?" "What else could possibly be so important that you can't help me with this?"  Daddy threw his arms into the air, to which Mommy shrugged.  Though I noticed something odd in her otherwise nonchalance. "Okay.  I'll do it.  If that's what you reall