Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West I so loved eating those nasty greens. The ones that tasted worse than sardines. It’s time for me to pay Mommy back In a way that just might make her crack! This has to be something truly diabolical And, how about, a little bit comical. A half eaten pickle I see. And a window as dirty as can be.     Yuck, yuck, YUCK! I’m still trying to get that taste out of my mouth. I’ve had spinach before and loved it. I’ve eaten kale and handled it. What, then, did Mommy do to make those greens look, taste, and smell so bad!? Yuck! Make the disgusting taste go away! I need to get Mommy back after making me eat those nasty greens. Too bad I didn’t borrow a page from Agent Chase. I could have hidden a handful and given it to the Puppy! No, not even the Puppy would have eaten that congealed glob of green nastiness. I’ll still have to get her back, or my name isn’t Agent West: diabolical dude of spit bubble abominab

 As Logged By: Agent Rose A rumble growls from down the hall Making me shake and feel quite small Where’s my stink bear to protect me? More rumbling and grumbling. What can it be? Quiet! Someone’s opening my door! Why did I leave my stink bear on the floor? Now, there’s a shadow lurking into the room. Another rumble! As loud as a thunder’s boom!     GGRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHH! What is that frightening sound? A hungry bear? An angry lion? A scary monster sneaking out from the linen closet? With large claws and sharp fangs? “AAH!” Okay, I admit it! This diabolical cutie is scared!!!!! GGRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Where is my stink bear? Where is he? My favorite gift from Agent West, who will protect me and keep me safe? WHERE ARE YOU!? Oh, no! I remember now. I was tossing and turning. I couldn’t get to sleep. In a temper tantrum moment, I tossed my cuddly wuddly bear to the floor. Is he still there? I crawl over

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Nothing could ever compare To something so simple, but not rare. A toot in the face will leave Mommy crying Especially when Daddy laughs like he’s dying. He’s laughing so hard He’s let down his guard. Now, here comes baby Chase, Ready with a toot in his face!     Eating as quickly as can be is not my style. I like to enjoy each bite and savor the flavor, but this diabolical mastermind is on a mission. One that’s almost ready to explode. I feel the gas bubbling down my tummy. Where is Mommy hiding? “Wah!” I yell and wait to see if that does the trick. “What is it, Sweetie?” Mommy asks as she comes into the room, never once sensing that she’s falling into my trap. Daddy follows right behind. “Is everything okay?” He asks. Neither one of them noticing that I’m preparing to aim. “Maybe she just…” FFPPPHHHRRRRRRRTTTTTT! “UGH!” Mommy cries. “Right in my face.” Her face pinches so t

 As Logged By: Agent West What is this green looking glob? It looks like a cousin of the monstrous blob. You want me to eat these greens? I’d rather have a bowl of sardines. They look all wet and shiny And just a bit too slimy. They smell like Daddy’s old boot, And worse than a puppy’s toot.     I’ve heard of creamed spinach. I’ve heard of collard greens. But… What in the diabolical universe is this stuff? A gangly green blob all tangled together that squishes and gurgles whenever I poke it. Even a diabolical dude like me would never touch that. Unless I want to fling it in someone’s hair. Even then, I might still want to wear a big pair of gloves. GLURP! Yuck! A green bubble just popped in my face, spraying green juice right in my mouth. Gross! It smells like one of Daddy’s old boots and tastes just as bad. It reminds me of Agent Chase and the Puppy’s poop attack. Give me a can of those salty fish things. What

 As Logged By: Agent Rose There’s a toy tiger in the window, Sitting right next to a pink flamingo. His little spots are so, so cute. But, Daddy thinks I should get a flute! A flute will be nice, or maybe five. Especially to torment parents while they drive. But, this diabolical baby wants her tiger. Here come the eyes with a little, “Grr.”     “No, Rosie. You don’t need a toy tiger. You already have a teddy bear from your friend, West.” Ah, yes. My adorable, abominable, stinkety stink bear. He’s cute and cuddly and perfectly stinky when I want to surprise someone with a toot, but I’d like a tiger. Please, Daddy. Please, please, please! “Oh, don’t you dare give me those adorable eyes. I’m getting you a flute.” A flute? Hmm… let me think about that. A flute might be nice. I could certainly use it to my advantage against Mommy and Daddy. It could prove quite diabolical. Have you just fallen asleep? Here, let me give a blast

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Mommy might be a little crazy She's yelling and sprinting toward the daisies. I don't think I've done anything diabolical, Though I was planning something quite comical. Huh, there goes a fluffy tail sprinting along Now, two and three.  Neither one singing a song. Is that Mommy's flowers in their cheeks? I hope they don't go after the leeks.  “OH, NO YOU DON’T!” Huh? What did I do? Has Mommy already found out about my latest diabolical plan? She couldn’t have. It’s not possible. “I’M GOING TO GET YOU!!!!!” I hold perfectly still as I wait for whatever will come next. There goes Mommy racing past my sandbox. Her face redder than her beets, her teeth gritted tighter than a shark’s. Never once does she look over, never once does she notice the two stink pies I’ve hidden between shovel and pail. The very ones I plan to throw right in her face at the precise moment when she’ll least expect it. The ver

As Logged By: Agent West Agent Rose may have succeeded In clogging the toilet while I weeded. Refried beans and applesauce definitely work. Hearing that certainly made me smirk. That clogged toilet was quickly fixed, however. So, I’ve thought of a way to make it forever! Squeaky toys and toilet paper galore Wait until you hear Mommy roar!     I certainly have fallen for her cuteness. Agent Rose, how truly diabolical you are. Only a baby like you could eat so much that you successfully clog the toilet with your toots. Ha! So perfect, so cute, so…. Diabolical. Too bad it only took a few pushes of the plunger and all was fixed. But, Agent Rose doesn’t care. She’s moving on to something involving cake, so I hear. A cake to the face? I cake to the rear? I can’t wait to hear! Meanwhile, I think I’m going to up this clogged toilet bit a notch. This will require some abominable planning. I don’t want to clog the toilet temporar

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Pretending to have a scary dream Is easy. All I have to do is scream! When Daddy comes to comfort me, I’ll have a toot as stinky as can be. But for this plan to truly work I have to drive them completely berserk! Into their bed I shall join them But, wait! Is this Daddy causing mayhem?     There’s nothing better than beauty sleep for this cuddly sweetie. Except, of course, tooty sleep that drives Mommy and Daddy crazy. I have waited patiently to get to two a.m. Now it’s time to begin my simply diabolical plan. Simply simple, simply cute, and simply, simply stinky. I take a deep breath, I open wide, and I let out the loudest scream. One that makes the kitty want to run and hide. “WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” “I’m coming, Rose. I’m coming,” Daddy calls from the hall. “Oof, ow!” He trips over a not-so-forgotten toy and falls. Into the room, Daddy rushes to get me. “Were you havi

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Mommy is looking really tired After so much baking left her wired. She most likely needs to rest, So I’ll put my diabolicalness to the test. Snoring so softly dear, dear Mommy? Pop! Pop! Pop! I attack like a tsunami. Oops, I guess she’s rather shaken. I wonder if she’ll make me some bacon!     Man, those are some deep circles under Mommy’s eyes. How long did she stay awake baking that cake? “I’m laying you down for an early nap, little one,” Mommy mumbles with her own eyes already half closed. She picks me up and looks around the living room. At the streamers and balloons she’s set all around in preparation for her friend’s party. “Whew, I think I’ll take a nap, too.” Sooooooooo, you are wanting to rest. Are you, Mommy? I can’t allow that!!! Yes! This is a perfect chance to up my diabolicalness. I must be stealthy, though, or the plan will never go through. To fool Mommy, I open my mouth with a big,

 As Logged By: Agent West Smashed, loaded, and coated to please I swallowed every bite of that grilled cheese. Now my tummy is nice and round. Tonight, I’ll be sleeping very sound. What to do until then, though? I should be diabolical. But, no. I’m way too full to do something dastardly. Maybe I’ll do some weeding, quite masterfully. Ahhh, the sweet, sweet bliss of a belly full of yummy grilled cheese. So smashed. So loaded. So coated…. Mmm. I guess I can forgive Mommy for eating the blendered beef stew. It was only the left overs, after all. Ooh, but I’ve fallen behind on being a diabolical dude. I might have done something truly disastrous. I almost did, if Mommy hadn’t jumped into action and made an awesomely delicious ham and avocado grilled cheese. Ahhh, good old Mommy. I should pay her back. What if I did something diabolical for her? I could borrow Agent Rose’s double stink bomb and send Mommy head ov