Diabolical Cake Indeed

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 As Logged By:

Agent Rose 

 

Birthday parties are the best!

I especially love going with Agent West.

But, if today's party is for Auntie P,

Then why is the costume on me?

 

Gotten a laugh at my expense has she?

Dear, oh dear, silly Auntie P. 

  She's forgotten I'm a diabolical cutie

Capable of making stinky pirate booty.

 

 "Ahoy, ye land lover!"  Auntie P shouts with a mock growl.  "Where be the prisoner?"
 
"Oh, Aunt P," Mommy chuckles, "you've really outdone yourself this time."
 
Auntie P shoves her plastic sword straight at Mommy.  "No more dodging the question.  Where be the prisoner?" 
 
"Right here," Daddy intervenes before things get out of hand with Auntie P.  He lifts me into the air, showing off the pirate costume he made me wear.
 
I must admit, this diabolical cutie didn't mind the outfit at first.  A pirate baby, how diabolically adorable!  But, then they clipped a toy parrot to my shoulder.  One that talks and makes me shudder.
 
"SQUAWK!"  The toy parrot shouted in my ear.  "We've a stinky diaper over here."
 
"HAHAHA!"  Auntie P roars, grabbing her jiggling belly and leaning back for an extra laugh.  "I knew it would be perfect for little Rosie the moment I saw it."
 
"SQUAWK!"
 
I ignored the talking toy parrot and glared at Auntie P.  
 
So...
 
This embarrassment of a talking parrot, one that cracks jokes at my expense, was all her idea, was it?  Well, well, well, she's about to find out the true meaning of stinky indeed.
 
Too bad Agent West isn't here.  He can make a stink faster than anyone.  And, I bet he'd look extra cute in a pirate hat.
 
NO!  I'm supposed to still be mad at him.  Why?  Don't ask.  I can't remember. 
 
Wait, I have an idea.
 
I spy the cake at the edge of a table.  A pirate's treasure chest, filled with plastic jewels, gold covered chocolate, and more.  
 
What if I add something else to the pirate booty mix just like Agent West once did?  I'm sure I could find some gummy worms.
 
AHA!
 
Mommy always keeps some in her purse.  The sour ones, I'm sure of it.  If that doesn't do it, my stink teddy will leave the cake with a nasty taste.
 
Yessss....  I like that idea.  Let's get my stink teddy out and see what Auntie P thinks of her treasure cake turning sour. 
 
I crawl on over to where her purse be laying.  The pirate inside of me coming out the closer I sneak.  I take my hook and pretend it be my hand.  I reach the hook inside the purse and...
 
"SQUAWK!"
 
"Rosie, what are you doing over here?"  Mommy scolds.
 
Stinky, little parrot!  That blasted toy blew my cover.  I glare at the little beast as Mommy picks me up and carries me back to the party.  Auntie P is pulling out eye patches and pirate hats.
 
"Look what I've got!"  She gives a shout and brings one over toward me.  "Now, Rosie will be a complete and proper pirate baby."  
 
"SQUAWK!  Make her walk the plank," the toy pirate caws.  
 
Auntie P throws back her head and laughs.  "Good idea.  What a brilliant, talking parrot."
 
Me?  Walk the plank?  NO, NO, NO!  I'm on a diabolical mission.  I'm going to get this crazed Auntie P back for turning me into an embarrassment.  What a hack!
 
I try to crawl away, but to no avail.  Auntie P swoops down and squeezes me until I'm stuck in her bat-like arms.
 
A plank is already ready.  When was it set up?  And what's down below?
 
Something that looks like it came out of a giant jello mold.
 
I don't want to touch that.  What are they thinking?  It smells oddly like boiled plastic.  My stomach is already turning.  
 
I try to escape, I try to climb out of Auntie P's arms.  But she has me clenched so tightly that there's nothing else I can do.
 
Mommy is laughing, and so is Daddy, too.  Do they not understand what they are about to force this baby to do?  I don't like this.  I don't!
 
"SQUAWK!" 
 
"Time to walk the plank little baby!"
 
NO!
 
"WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
"Oh, no.  Aunt P, I think we've taken this a little too far."  Mommy and Daddy come to my rescue.
 
"Nonsense," Auntie P protests.  "She can walk the..."
 
"WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
"Don't worry," Daddy comforts.  "You aren't going to be walking any planks."  When my crying doesn't stop, he asks, "What will make you feel better?"
 
Without hesitation, I point at the cake.  Forget any diabolical plots, all this baby wants is some chocolate.  
 
"Here," Auntie P says, her voice going back to normal as she finally comes to her senses.  "She's clearly upset.  You guys go on home and take the cake with you.  The treasure and all."
 
The whole thing?  Really?  Have I actually managed to guilt this family into giving me an entire treasure chest of cake?
 
SCORE!
 
 
Upcoming Log:
 
Previous Log:  Diabolical Blueberries 
 

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