Operation Going Limp

 As Logged By:

Agent West

 

When throwing a fit is not enough,

A baby has only one other choice.

If they want to make life a little tough,

Don't bother screaming and hurting your voice.

 

Go limp is what I say.

Relax every muscle from arm to leg.

You'll be harder to lift than wet clay.

It'll surely get Mommy and Daddy to beg!


My fellow Diabolical Drei, I have discovered something new and I wish to share it with you.  It is positively evil, so maniacally simple.  I don't know how I didn't discover it before.

I thought screaming and yelling would be enough to drive Mommy and Daddy mad.  I naively assumed that the shrill pierce of my high pitched wail in their ears was all it would take to do the trick, but Mommy and Daddy are smarter than I thought.

They now carry ear plugs in their pockets!

If I try to throw a fit.  If they won't let me grab or go where I want and I start to scream, into their pockets they shove their hands to pull out two tiny ear plugs.  Pop one into the left and one into the right.

Those sneaky parents are then free to stare at me and wait for the fit to end.

And then it came to me.  Like a light bulb switching on, the idea popped into my head.  I smiled most abominably, yet adorably, at the thought.  Oh, what a diabolical idea!

And today I am going to put my plan into action.  Today is the day to find out...

Ooh, goodie!  Here comes Mommy now.

"Patricia's going on a date with him?"

Uh, she's gossiping again about neighbor Patricia and her hyperactive love life.  How boring.  How dull.  Now, give me that phone!

Out I jerk my hand, but Mommy bats it away.  She turns to the side in an attempt to keep me at bay.  Not so fast, Mommy!  Here I come crawling and out my hand jerks for another try.  Mommy bats it away again, but this time, I will not let her get away with it.  I'll start throwing a fit!

My cheeks brighten into spots of red, my fists shake, and my lower lip trembles as the wail intensifies in my core.  Mommy's eyes widen just before I open my mouth and scream.  I scream and scream and throw my legs.

"Can you hang on?  I need to put West in his pen."  Mommy puts the phone down and reaches for me.  "Come on, Little Man.  I'm taking you...  AH!"

Ha ha!  It works!

What did I do, you might ask.  What was my plan?  I relaxed my entire body, silly.  I went completely limp and almost slipped right out of Mommy's hands too!

"West, what are you doing?  West, please!"  Mommy begs after another failed attempt to get me into the pen.  "I'll need to call you back," she cries into the phone and hangs up without another word.

Mommy can't lift me!  I'm too heavy and wobbly in this limp mode.  Giving up, she sits next to me on the floor, head hanging in her hands.

"What are you wanting?  Please, West, I'll do anything."

That's a good Mommy.  Who knew that all I had to do was go limp, play possum, relax my entire body, to turn Mommy into a moldable glob of puddy in my hand.

Operation Going Limp a success?  Yes!

Upcoming Log:  Breaking the Abominable Cell Phone
Previous Log:  Distracted by the Untouchable Rainbow

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