You Want to Wake Me up at 3? I'll Wake You up at 1!

As Logged By:

Agent Chase


When the baby is tired

And trying to sleep

Don't do something that'll get you fired.

Let her count her sheep.


What is this?

You still want to wake me up

And end my moment of bliss?

No, no.  I'm now waking you up!


When a baby is sleeping so quiet and still, you'd think Mommy and Daddy would be happy.  You'd think they'd be thrilled.  Agent Rose had this same issue.  She had parents waking her up in the middle of the night and solved it almost immediately with her diabolical cuteness.

Trust me, this captain is very proud.

But what to do?  I'm not as diabolically cute as her.  In case you forgot, I apparently look like an old man.  I am baby Jean-Luc Picard.

I still tried Agent Rose's way.  I still tried to look too diabolically cute to wake up.  But, alas, it was to no avail.  Mommy and Daddy kept nudging and talking until I gave in and drank some milk.

Now, they do concede and let me go back to sleep once it is all over.  So I could get used to it.  I could just go along with this routine, but where would the fun be in that?  Where would be the challenge? 

Going along with parents' plans is not what diabolical babies do, after all.

So, tonight I have made my plan and I have set my internal timer.  Tonight I shall start enacting Operation Let's Ruin Their Sleep.

One a.m. is here and I force myself awake.  What a dull hour of the night.  What a perfect time for a baby crime!

For a minute, my eyes remain shut.  My body wants so much to sleep.  But a diabolical baby must prevail.  I must be as devious as I can be!

Awake at last, I look out of my crib at snoring Mommy and twitching Daddy.  What innocence, what fools.  To drop their guard just because they think that their little, diabolical baby has fallen asleep.


Up jumps Mommy.  Her sleepy state still fogging her enough to make her jerk her head left and right because she's forgotten where the crib is placed.


Over rolls Daddy to fall off the side of the bed.  "What's going on?"  He mumbles toward the dresser.


Finally, they're awake and alert enough to think.  To the crib they come and stare down at me with their eyes bulging like a bug's.

And do you know what I did?  Do you know how I took delight in the mastery of my successful plan?

Why, I just stared right back, looking innocently up at them.

Upcoming Log:  A Cuddle and a Smack
Previous Log:  Slapping Mommy with the Phone While on the Phone


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