Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    Mommy's ready to drive To a luncheon date at The Hive. What better way to make her frazzle Than by letting my diabolical side dazzle?   Where, oh where could I be hiding? Under the table or behind the dividing?  Silly Mommy thinks she's won.  The car seat battle is on!    Up the stairs and down the hall.   Mommy huffs and puffs.  All while I play with my ball.   "Where are you!?"  She screeches.  Her freshly done hair starting to turn into a frizzy mess.  "We need to leave now."   Where am I hiding, you ask?   Why, right beside her purse.  The only place she'll never look.    "I will find you, Chase!"  Mommy warns.  "This is THE place to eat lunch... apparently... and I promised Heidi that I would be there at one on the dot."   Wait...   We're going to be with Heidi?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?   Oh, no, no, no, no, no.     I tuck m...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    This baby can't stop drawing While Mommy is daughter-in-lawing. But, when I've run out of notepaper The only option is wallpaper.   This mastermind's creativity will shine Right next to Gram's coastline. Squiggles and swirls all around Dear Mommy can't make a sound!     "That is soooo adorable!"  Gram squeezes at my cheeks after I show her another masterpiece.  This one is not just squiggles, but squiggles AND scratches.     All in purple.    "You're almost at the end of your notebook, Sweetie," Mommy nervously notices.   "Oh, stop it."  Gram flaps her disciplining hand at Mommy.  "Let the baby have some fun.  When her dad was that age, he couldn't stop drawing all over.  And I do mean ALL over."   Gram pumps her brows, giving Mommy some kind of hint.   What is she saying?  Why can't I understand it?   The tension of confusion gets to this diab...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   A Mommy's party sounds like fun Until a dastardly dead is done. Giggles and laughter all around, Meanwhile Daddy's lying on the ground.    Someone's about to break a sweat. For one should never forget That murder takes the cake For the ladies that bake!     Hurry, scurry, go, go ,go!   Mommy's rushing all around.   Cleaning the kitchen, sweeping the floors.  Turn on the vacuum and run it some more!   "They'll be here any minute.  Does the house look okay?"   Daddy glances up from his book.  "Everything looks great.  Why don't you take a second to relax?"   "Do you remember what you need to do?"  Mommy bulges her eyes as she asks, to which Daddy gives a hearty nod.  Still, Mommy has to confess, "I'm so nervous.  I've never done anything like this."   "Just relax," Daddy begs.   DING DING DONG!   Though I prepare for Mommy to scream, instead she freeze...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   I'm shocked that Agent Rose dared to travel In a land known to make the mind unravel. Ghostly tales have met their match. For these hills come with a catch!   Was Henry Skills lost long ago, Trekking deeply through the snow?  Or did he fall in a dark, hidden pit Where his stink made quite a hit!     I've always known of Agent Rose's Auntie P to be a bit on the crazy side, but I never knew she was so crazy that she would lead her family into the heart of the Forest of Henry Skills.    Straight into the Unknown Hills!    It's been said that the Unknown Hills loop round and round... and round some more.  One too many, and you'll be lost for sure.   I wonder if our Agent Rose met the legendary Henry Skills.    They say he started for a hike one day, eons and eons of ages ago.  He set off with a whistle on his lips and a hop in his step.  Where was he going?   Not even Henry...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    The wind is biting at my eye Until all I do is cry. Get this baby back indoors, So I can crawl on warm floors.   Back inside, safe and sound. No mischief to be found? Maybe I'll attack the tissues, Then make use of the cashews.    Brr!  Brr!  BRR!!!!!!!!!!   This wind is biting hard.  What on earth are Mommy and Daddy thinking?  Why have they brought me out here with them?   "Ooh!"  Daddy calls.  "Look, Chase.  Look at that one!"   I see, I really do.   I love the explosion of light that comes from fireworks at night.  How marvelous!  How grand!   Now, get me inside you crazy parent!   Can't I watch from in there?  Where the air is toasty warm and I can feel the tip of my nose?     BOOM!   There goes another.  This one as loud as one of Agent West's mighty sounds.     "Ahh," Mommy gasps.  "That one ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   I'm dressed in fancy bows Atop a great fake rose. Family picture day is here. Am I supposed to cheer?   I'd rather focus on the flowerbed Than the camera straight ahead. There seems to be a cow, That has learned to meow.    Agent West is in for a diabolical surprise.     His family may be vacationing on a farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere.  That doesn't mean he had to trick his parents into convincing my parents to do their annual Christmas picture on that farm, too.   Now, look at me!   I'm in a dress that is puffier than a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.  A ribbon here and a ribbon there, not to mention the one in my non existent hair.   "Alright, I want you two on either side of the rose and your baby placed in the bed inside it," the photographer declares as he waves his hands.  One for my parents to follow and one, apparently, to direct me.     Really?   PPPHHHHHFFFFFFR...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   I'm here to splash and play Like I'm doing water ballet. Bubbles flying everywhere. Until Mommy falls off her chair!   Splash, splash, splash galore. There goes Mommy on the floor. Wait, did I just yawn? Oh, poop.  The water's gone.    Slap!  Smack!     SPLASH!!!!   "Chase," Mommy huffs.  "You're driving me crazy."     She tries to give her very best glare, but I can't help laughing when her face's covered with bubbles like a bath time teddy bear.  As soon as she wipes them away, I splash the water again.   "Stop!  You're supposed to be calming down."   "Did you use the lavender bottle?"  Daddy asks and ducks his head in to check.   "Of course, I did," Mommy seethes.  "Can't you smell it?"   Smell it?   I give a sniff and, yes, there is a nice lavender scent.  How thoughtful of Mommy to make my bath time smell so lovely.  Should I...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   The mommies have dressed us as chickens! Meanwhile, the cold in my head thickens.  All I want to do is sleep! I'm not interested in making a peep.   Trunk or treat is the new in I don't even know where to begin. Sniffle, sniffle, snot, snot. Inspector Gadget is the hot spot.    How grand...   "Achoo!"   This baby is, now, dressed like a chicken.   "Achoo!"   From what I hear, Agent West and Agent Rose are too.  Apparently, our mommies all got together and thought it would be cute, or funny... cute and funny to dress us babies as one, big flock.   This calls for a serious diabolical plan...   "Achoo!"   Maybe some other time.   "Achoo!"    "Uh oh.  Sounds like someone has the sniffles."   This is more than sniffles!  How can a diabolical mastermind think when there's a vise squeezing around her head?   Well, a vise and a hood designed to look like a chicke...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase   Crazy Heidi has come and gone After yelling like Star Trek's crazy Khan. Did my diabolical scheme task her? Ha!  Of that I'm sure!   Yummy pasta for dinner. Chocolate cake is always a winner. Found a container for leftovers? Uh oh, where's the lid with the clovers?    "I don't know what to think!"   Daddy helplessly watches Mommy as she throws her arms into the air.  "At least your friend isn't complaining about everything anymore."   "That's because she isn't here!"   Even I have to crawl a step back after that loud wail.  Mommy takes a few deep breaths, she glances at the half empty wine bottle, and she takes another breath.  A really, really big one.   "I still don't understand how Chase managed to switch the wine out for vinegar."   "Are you sure the wine wasn't bad?"  Daddy asks with a lift of his brow.  "How could a baby manage to do something as crazy as that?...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase   Mommy loves being neat and tidy Especially when getting a visit from Heidi. Each lid is in its place. Every container with its own space.   What kind of baby would I be If I didn't have a diabolical spree? Hide one here, hide one there. Mommy's going to search everywhere!   Mommy runs from the living room to the kitchen, hurriedly tidying.     "What time is it?"  She wails from the bathroom, where she's perfecting the downward folded arrow on the toilet paper.   "You've still got half an hour," Daddy groans.  "Please relax.  I thought you said that Heidi was your friend."   "She may be my friend, but that doesn't stop her from peering all over the house and commenting on everything she sees that's not up to her standards.  Ugh!  She never fails to find something wrong.  Well," Mommy lets out an insanely diabolical laugh.  "Not this time!"    A pillow on the sofa i...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Mommy left me with the sitter And I made sure to get her. But, who is this stranger at the door? Oh, no!  I left my stink gun on the floor!   She claims to be my mommy, but I'd rather trust a pastrami salami!  I'll put this claim to the test With a toot that'll be one of my best!    "AH!  You made me spit out my gum."   The babysitter hurls herself onto the couch, trying desperately to clean off the sticky chunks before they adhere completely.     I, meanwhile, am too busy laughing.  One diaper filling poopy was all it took.     Only one, and this babysitter cracked.    "Eww!  That stinks."  She crinkles her nose.  "I can smell it from all the way over here."  Suddenly, she pauses.  A realization lifting her head.  "I'm going to have to change that," she barely manages to mumble.   Suddenly, a click has us both looking toward the front...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    Here is a story of excellence, A true master of eloquence!  One where people will gladly say  That diabolicalness can save the day!   A crazed man with a maniacal plan? He's nothing compared to this old man. An old man with a cane? That can only mean one thing!   Here is a story for you.   One starring a previous diabolical baby, who grew and grew.  Now, he's an old man, but that will never stop his diabolical jam.   Once upon a time...   Two men stood at the edge of an outdoor shopping mall.  “Are you sure you want to do this, Ralph? It’s only fifteen degrees.” “All the better! The chocolate will harden before these Christmas shoppers know what hit them!” Ralph sized up his soon-to-be victims. Especially, Henry’s Chocolate Emporium. “That Henry thinks he’s so special because he won the confection competition. I’ll show him! No one beats me.” “Weren’t you dead last?” “Quiet!” Ralph ...