A Diabolical Hairdo

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 As Logged By:

Agent Chase

 

Mommy left me with the sitter

And I made sure to get her.

But, who is this stranger at the door?

Oh, no!  I left my stink gun on the floor!

 

She claims to be my mommy,

but I'd rather trust a pastrami salami!

 I'll put this claim to the test

With a toot that'll be one of my best! 

 

"AH!  You made me spit out my gum."
 
The babysitter hurls herself onto the couch, trying desperately to clean off the sticky chunks before they adhere completely.  
 
I, meanwhile, am too busy laughing.  One diaper filling poopy was all it took.  
 
Only one, and this babysitter cracked. 
 
"Eww!  That stinks."  She crinkles her nose.  "I can smell it from all the way over here."  Suddenly, she pauses.  A realization lifting her head.  "I'm going to have to change that," she barely manages to mumble.
 
Suddenly, a click has us both looking toward the front door.
 
"I'm home," someone calls who sounds very much like Mommy.
 
But, who's this!?  It definitely cannot be Mommy.  This woman's hair is shorter, it's curly all over.  Where are the straight strands and the frizzy ends?  Where is the constant ponytail?
 
Impostor!  
 
That's what I say.  This must be some Mommy look-a-like villain.  Where is my Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000?  I must not let this intruder get near.  I must stop her in her tracks!
 
Oh, dear.
 
My mouth falls open and my shoulders drop.  There, lying on top of a pile of forgotten toys is my Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000.  Now, what shall I do?
 
"Hey, Sweetie," this stranger coos.  "Mommy's home."
 
Mommy?  You're not my mommy.  
 
I want my mommy!
 
"WWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
 
"Oh, Chase.  Sweetie!  Do you not like my new haircut?"
 
"WWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
 
"I think that's a, 'no.'"  The babysitter chuckles.  "By the way, she just went to the bathroom," she thinks to remind this impostor.
 
"Alright, I'll change her," this impostor groans just like Mommy would.  "Your money is on the kitchen table."
 
NO!  
 
Don't leave me with this fraud.  No, no, no!
 
But, no matter how much I flail, the babysitter does nothing to stop the impostor.  Taking her money, she leaves without a single look back.
 
Now I'm all alone with this impostor of a mommy.
 
"All I did was go get my hair done," she explains when I throw every kick that I possibly can.  "Do I really look that different?"
 
If you are Mommy, then you need to prove it!
 
I throw a good smack that clips her chin.  She makes a face that matches my mommy's perfectly.
 
Pausing, I consider the possibility of this being Mommy.  She is wearing the same outfit, she does sound the same.  We don't live in Stepford, that much I'm sure of.  
 
There's only one way to perfectly prove it.  Only one way to know for sure.
 
She lays me on the changing table and gets everything ready.  Off goes the diaper and...
 
PPPHHHHFFFFRRRRTTTHHHHHHPPPPPTTTTTT!
 
"UGH!  CHASE!"
 
Yep, it's Mommy.  No one can scream as shrilly as her.
 
 
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