A Diabolically Frigid Night

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 As Logged By:

 Agent Chase

 

 The wind is biting at my eye

Until all I do is cry.

Get this baby back indoors,

So I can crawl on warm floors.

 

Back inside, safe and sound.

No mischief to be found?

Maybe I'll attack the tissues,

Then make use of the cashews. 

 

Brr!  Brr!  BRR!!!!!!!!!!
 
This wind is biting hard.  What on earth are Mommy and Daddy thinking?  Why have they brought me out here with them?
 
"Ooh!"  Daddy calls.  "Look, Chase.  Look at that one!"
 
I see, I really do.
 
I love the explosion of light that comes from fireworks at night.  How marvelous!  How grand!
 
Now, get me inside you crazy parent!
 
Can't I watch from in there?  Where the air is toasty warm and I can feel the tip of my nose?  
 
BOOM!
 
There goes another.  This one as loud as one of Agent West's mighty sounds.  
 
"Ahh," Mommy gasps.  "That one was so bright!  Did you see it, Little Chase?  Did you?"
 
Of course I did!  Except...
 
Blast!
 
Now all I see is the smearing of this baby's running tears.  Look, Mommy.  Look, Daddy.  Can't you see how cold I am?
 
BOOM!  BANG!!  BOOM!  BOOM!  KABOOM!
 
"Oh, it's over."
 
"That was the finale."
 
Are you seriously disappointed about having to head back into warmth?  That's it.  This baby needs to bring out the big guns.
 
"WWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
 
"I know, Chasey.  I wish the fireworks could go on forever, too."
 
WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
 
No, no. no.  Can't you see that I'm cold?
 
"WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
 
Daddy checks my cheek.  "Uh oh, feels like someone got a few extra kisses from Jack Frost."
 
I don't know who this Jack Frost is, but if he's the one responsible for my numb little nose, he'll be getting a visit from me.  Me and my Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000.  I'm sure I still have it somewhere.
 
"Here we go.  Inside all safe and sound."
 
Warm air blasts my cheeks and I can finally crinkle my nose.  Set me on the cushions.  I'll even take the floor.  Let me feel the warmth of this house's heating. 
 
Ahh, so much better. 
 
"This feels nice," Mommy sighs as she sits on the couch next to Daddy.  "How often to we get to simply sit and relax?" 
 
What?  Simply sit and relax?
 
Oh, no, no, no, no.  I'm not a diabolical mastermind if I don't take advantage of that!
 
What can I do?  My brain is still too frozen to think.
 
What do I see?
 
AHA!  
 
A box of tissues.  An oldie, but a goodie.  
 
I lift off of the warm floor and carefully crawl on over.  Tiptoe, tiptoe.  I do my best not to make a sound.  
 
Mommy and Daddy seem to be already sleeping quite sound. 
 
Tiptoe, tiptoe.  
 
I reach the tissue box and...
 
YANK!  YANK!  GRAB!
 
Out comes one tissue, which I fling into the air.  Out comes another, and another.
 
It's raining tissues.  Their landing all around.  This living room is starting to match outside's frozen ground.  
 
One falls on my head, one lands by my side.  As I yank and throw, I slowly build a diabolical, tissue snow baby.
 
YANK!  GRAB!  Y... Oh, no.
 
All the tissues are gone.
 
Mommy and Daddy are still too asleep to notice me.  This living room is covered in tissue snow.  Shall I do some more?
 
I declare I shall!
 
What else can I spot?
 
How about the bag of cashews inside Daddy lunch pouch?  The one just inside the hall.
 
Tiptoe, tiptoe.
 
I grab the zipper and quietly tug.
 
GRAB and TOSS!  GRAB and THROW!
 
One diabolical nut flies high in the sky.  It lands all the way over on Daddy's forehead.
 
"Huh?"  He blinks himself awake.  "Oh, CRAP!  Honey, wake up!  Wake... AHHHH!"
 
Daddy's foot slips from the tissues and he cur-plops on the floor.  The tissues and cashews bounce in reaction and land all around, in a mound.  All covering snowman Daddy.
 
 
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