A Diabolical Karate Roll

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 As Logged By:

Agent Chase

 

Mommy's precious sanity time

Has turned into a karate climb.

Now I'm sitting next to stinky socks

Wondering why they're balancing on rocks.

 

Mommy's talking is going well,

When, suddenly, there's a stinky smell.

Everyone wants to think it's me

But, could it really be Mommy? 

 

I'm so, so, so, so bored.
 
I'm the only baby in here, so that means I'm stuck alone in a portable play pen.  Meanwhile, Mommy's doing some sort of obstacle course.  Whatever it is, she's sweating and panting worse than a horse.
 
If only I had my diabolical tools.  I could be plotting and planning while no one is watching.  I could come up with many a great scheme and some tremendous ideas to drive Mommy and Daddy crazy.  To make a perfect stink!
 
PHEW!
 
Speaking of stink, couldn't Mommy have set my play pen somewhere else?  This basket of socks is putrid beyond stink.  Any worse and it would be giving off wafts of green.  
 
As much as I can, I scoot away from that mass of stinky green.  I wiggle and wobble, I sway and I slide.  I get this portable play pen away from those socks, moving one inch at a time.   
 
Now what is that crazy Mommy doing? 
 
Though it appears that the class is oddly standing on some rocks, I'm sure I must be wrong.  I must be dreaming.  I must be sleeping.  
 
"Good work today," Mommy says as they all come over for a drink of water.  "I can't believe how well you mastered those stones."
 
Oh, dear.  So, it's true.  Mommy's gone batty enough to pay to stand on rocks.
 
Speaking of standing...  
 
HEY!  Look at me!  
 
I'm standing and lifting my arms, Mommy.  I'm done with this pen.  Please, give me a break.  Lift me up into your arms and let me have a whiff of fresh-ish air. 
 
"Oh, Sweetie.  Are you wanting Mommy to hold you?"  Mommy asks and bends down to get me.  However, something not quite expected happens.
 
PPHHHHHRRRRRRFFFFFTTTTTHHHHHPPPPPTTTTT!!
 
"Was that you?"  Mommy's friend asks.
 
"Are you kidding?  I would never make a noise like that."  Mommy throws her head back with a hearty laugh.  "It was little Chasey.  Oh, man, Chase that was a stinky one.  I bet you need your diaper changed."
 
Excuse me, Mommy?
 
That may have been impressive.  That may have been grand.
 
But, it most certainly didn't come from me!!!!!!!
 
"Wow, now I'm smelling it."
 
"I know, right?"  Mommy laughs again.  So obviously and totally fake.  "Chase, that's quite a stink."
 
I can't believe I'm being blamed for this.  That enormous toot came from you and if you don't confess, I'll have no choice but to prove it!
 
"These babies have so much gas..."
 
PPPHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPP!
 
Mommy's friend lifts her brows.  "That one definitely came from your baby.  But it didn't sound at all like the first."
 
"Umm, umm!"  Mommy tries to do some quick thinking.  All the while, her friend is trying not to chuckle.  "I think Chasey needs a diaper change.  Gotta go!"
 
 
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