A Diabolically Accidental Toot Fright

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As Logged By:

Agent West

 

This dude got a little confused.

Otherwise, I would have refused.

Now I'm stuck in a fancy getup,

That itches whenever I hiccup.

 

Uh oh, lunch is done digesting

Right when Sassy is besting.

This toot's about to explode

And cause quite an episode! 

 

A big horse!?!?!?
 
That's what Mommy meant?  I thought we were going to a big show.  I thought I was going to laugh until milk spewed out of my nose.
 
NOPE!
 
Now, I'm sitting in a great big barn that smells like a mess of horse poop, hairspray, and dust.  I'm not allowed to make a sound or even move.  Worst of all, I'm wearing boots that are way too big, jeans, and a button up made of something that definitely does not qualify as soft.
 
"Achoo!"
 
"Is the dust getting to you, West?"
 
Eek, eh!  This button up itches worse than a rotting diaper. 
 
"Achoo!"
 
Aah!  No more, I can't take this itchy mess.
 
Another sneeze thinks about coming.  I pinch my face and hold my breath.  Anything to keep me from dealing with that itch again.
 
Horse number three waltzes into the arena.  His prancing hooves distract me enough to forget about that sneeze.  Man, these horses sure act fancy.  
 
"Mmh!"  I mumble and point at the huge horse.
 
"No, no.  We mustn't make a noise, West," Mommy whispers as quietly as she can.  This is Sassy, Farmer Debbie's prize stallion.  We're hoping that he wins first place."
 
I keep myself quiet.  I act like the gentleman I'm dressed as.  I watch this Mr. Sassy prance to the left, prance to the right.  He jumps over a couple of huge hedges and everyone claps.  Not a loud applause, just a barely there hand tap.
 
GGGGRRRRRRRGGGGGGGLLLLLLLL!
 
"Shh," Mommy insists.  
 
What can I do, Mommy?  That was my tummy.
 
GGGGRRRRRGGGGGGGGLLLLLL!
 
Or, perhaps.  Maybe it wasn't.  
 
Oh, man this little dude has got to go doodoo.  But, Sassy's still showing and going through his groove.  
 
The barn is so quiet, that I know any noise from my diaper will echo worse than ever.  I have to hold this one in.  I must keep my behind quiet!
 
GGGRRRRRRRGGGGGGGLLLLLL!
 
"Is little West okay?"  Debbie's husband, who I'm sure is named Farmer Ted, leans over and asks.  "Sassy still has a few minutes.  He's doing fantastic."
 
 "I think this one has to go to the bathroom."
 
"Better get him out of here before he explodes," Daddy warns. 
 
Mommy and Daddy pick me up gently.  But, I'm too afraid to say, not gently enough.
 
 
PPPPHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTT!!
 
PFFT!
 
PFFT!
 
PPPHHHHHHRRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHPPPPPPPT!
 
Sassy throws his head up.  His nostrils flare as he gets a whiff.
 
"NEIGH!"  He whinnies and rushes to the other side of the ring.  "NEIGH!"  He complains and swishes his tail to try to waft the stink away.
 
All the contestants and all the spectators turn to gaze and Mommy, Daddy, and this awesomely awesome diabolical dude!
 
 
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