Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase He came ready to chase his tail And fetch the curve ball that I threw, But this diabolical baby won't fail. I still have a trick or two. If only his hair wasn't so fluffy And my eyes feeling so heavy. It must be the remnants of being stuffy Making me dream of a 5-speed Chevy. He's baaaaack...   After a night of tossing and turning with barely a wink of shut eye, who should I find chasing his tail on my floor... than... the... Puppy!!! I set my glare at maximum and what does that puppy do? Why, he just stands there looking as innocent as can be.  His tongue hanging out and his slobber dripping and flipping toward me. Oh, you think you're so clever, Puppy.  I'm on to your act.  You're not going to fool me this time.  I won't be hypnotized by his yipping.  I won't get distracted by his fluffy hair.  No, no, no.  Today is the day that I set my diabolical plan into action.  Today, I shall get the Puppy at his own ga...

 As Logged By: Agent West Midnight is around the corner And I have a big one coming. I could be nice to Mommy and warn her, But that wouldn't be very cunning. A diaper makes a great New Year's hat, If I can get it over my head. What if there's a poopy in my hat? Could I still put it on my head? "In ten minutes, we'll be reigning in the New Year..." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's so excited about the coming new year.  Party hats are adorned on every head and apple juice that looks a little bubbly is being poured around.  Yet, I'm in my crib! What was my crime? I snuck a sip of the bubbly apple juice (which didn't taste like juice at all).  There might have also been some gagging and puking, but that was not on purpose. Honest! Now I'm here, where I don't want to be.  This diabolical dude is going to make Mommy and Daddy sorry. Should I steal their bubbled apple juice and hide it somewhere devilishly sneaky or prank call someone, like Daddy...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Traveling can get tricky When the family has a baby. I don't consider myself picky, But this crib is too shabby.   Where does baby sleep then? Between Mommy and Daddy, of course. The perfect spot for when I throw a punch with full force.   Hehehe!   I can't believe I fooled my parents into getting me out of that crib.  Yes, it was lumpy and bumpy, but I have slept through worse and not missed a second of my cutey sleep.   But how could I miss out on this golden opportunity?  After listening to Mommy and Daddy drone on and on in the long car ride, one thing became clear:  they have to have a sound sleep tonight. Sooooo....  It would be most diabolical if this sweetie were to "accidentally" throw her arm out and punch them in the face, right? Exactly! And I'll do it all without making a sound. I shimmy and scooch my cute kaboos over to Mommy.  She is sleeping most soundly, a touch of drool hanging from her lip....

 As Logged By: Agent Chase My nose is all stuffy It's a snotty mess. I want to hold something puffy. Where's my horsey, Mommy?  Confess!   Oh, my achy head! Give me some soup And send me to bed. Of course, I might then poop.   Dash it all!   How could I catch a cold not two days before I was supposed to carry out an all infamous fart display?  Oh, it would have been brilliant with a fart bomb of a different stench going off in every room.  Mommy and Daddy would have been left gagging for sure!   Instead, I'm lying in my crib with a head that feels like it's stuck in a tightened vise and a nose that can't decide if it wants to run or stuff up.   All I want right now is to snuggle up with my horsey, Giddyup, but Mommy put him in the wash.  That was three days ago, though!  WHERE'S MY HORSEY!   Note to self:  Must have a mission to find Giddyup and, then, diabolically get back at Mommy.   "How about some chicken noodle s...

As Logged By: Agent West   She spit a loogie in Molly's hair And drank tea most diabolically. She embraced my farting teddy bear And caught a rainbow magically.   Her smile is the best. No one can refuse this. Yes, yes, yes. I've grown accustomed to her cuteness.   Just stop it with the 'oohs' and 'ahs' before I slap you with Mommy's phone.  Or, worse, I'll find a loaded diaper to hurl at you.   The farting teddy bear gave my secret away, didn't it?  Don't lie to me.  I know it did.  How could I help it?  She's just so darn cute.  And quite beautifully diabolical, too!   Who else could make their father's shoe swim with the fishies?  Or trick their parents into doing her will simply by sleeping?   Yes, Agent Rose is the glisten in my spit bubble.  The rosebud in my poopy.   Now, for the dilemma:   Exactly how should this diabolical dude become the sparkle in her eye?  She's not just some ordinary baby....

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Thanksgiving came and went And I loved every bit of it Until Cousin Molly started to vent And made me want to spit. Did I get her in the face  Or spit a loogie on her plate? If only I had my mace, But that will have to wait. Mmm...  Mmm...  Mmm... Turkey, stuffing, and gravy.  Oh, my!  Next I'll have a slice of pie. "Oh, look how cute Rose is holding her fork like that," one relative says.  "She's trying to devour it all in one bite!"  Says another.   Go ahead and adore me, just keep the Thanksgiving feast coming!   "Ugh!  Who cares about some baby acting cute,"  Cousin Molly complains.  With an eye roll, I might add!  I dare say that someone's a little jealous.  "She's just a little fatty eating a lot of food."   Excuse me!?   Sure, sure.  The verbal wraths and "how dare you's" are spewing right and left.  But Molly's shield is obviously up.  Those scorns...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase I may be tired. My eyes starting to droop, But I'm too wired And ready for a big poop. Mommy says she needs a break. Daddy wants to lie down. Do they really think they can make This baby go to sleepy town?   Man, do I have to poop!   Mommy has laid me down, and a nap does sound nice, but this baby is not going to go to sleep that easily.  Especially, when I need to go to the bathroom this crazily.   Now, I know what you must be thinking.  If you have to go, then go and call out for someone to come and change your diaper.   That sounds well and good, but then I'd surely fall asleep.  This isn't just about a smelly poopy.  I'm a diabolical baby.  I must make this about driving my parents insane.   Sniffle, sniffle.  "Wah!  Wah!"   In comes Mommy.  "It's okay, Sweetie.  Just go to sleep."  She rocks me gently against her shoulder, which feels quite good.   I start to doze an...