Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

As Logged By: Agent West   When something is stinky I want to stir every last bit. Shall I use only my pinky Or dunk my whole hand into the mix?   Do I stir poopy for pleasure Or to enhance my diabolical side? My poopy does look like a treasure Just waiting for me to see what's inside.   Well, that does it.  Mommy has bought me a potty. "I can't stand the idea of cleaning one more poopy diaper," I heard Mommy confess one night.  I won't lie, hearing that made me smile with glee. You see, I take great pride in making my poopy extra messy.  It takes diabolical skill to fall on the ground at just the right angle to get my poopy to splatter and smear everywhere in my diaper.  What a mess Mommy and Daddy have on their hands!  Oh, how I love acting so diabolically bad. Never did I imagine, though, that she would stoop to buying me a potty.  Agent Rose may love hers, but I prefer making things messy, no...

As Logged By: Agent Rose     Peanut butter is gooey and sticky And clings to my chin. At first peanut butter felt real icky, But one taste and I had to grin.   Daddy thinks it's out of my reach. That silly, silly man. I guess I'll have to teach that this diabolical sweetie can stand!   We babies know a lot more than Mommies and Daddies think.  Our wants may be simple, but our thoughts are diabolically unique.  Of course we know how to sit and stand, though we enjoy being carried around.  And we also know that the longer we make Mommy and Daddy wait for us to sit, stand, and walk, the giddier they'll become. The more at our mercy they will be! A case in point happened just this week: I have purposefully been holding off standing because Daddy has become rather antsy to have me start walking.  He still loves to carry me, but I've heard him on the phone.  I've heard him using my accomplishments as r...

As Logged By: Agent Chase   That's it.  Mommy and Daddy have cracked. I've taken being diabolical too far And I doubt there will be any taking it back. They are acting most bizarre!   One is a mathematician.  The other can build a house Faster than a magician. Now they act like Goofy and Minnie Mouse!   Being diabolical takes a lot out of a baby.  Nap times become essential if one wants to keep up the mastery of their diabolicalness.  But there always manages to be that one nap that just won't last. I could roll over on my side, I could roll over on my belly.  I could put my butt in the air, I could strike another pose.  One that's real funny.  No matter what, though,  I just can't fall back asleep. It was during one of these naps where I learned that Mommy and Daddy have truly snapped. I heard giggling coming from the kitchen and I just had to investigate.  I may be diabolical, but I'm ...

As Logged By: Agent West   Mommy thinks it's so adorable When she takes a nap with me. Let's not forget that I'm abominable And I love acting diabolically.   When Mommy is fast asleep, I scoot to her face real slowly And without making a peep Until my smelly wind comes blowing.   Agent Rose has me thinking, a dangerous thing for someone as suspicious as me.  She is so good at looking cute and nails it so perfectly.  And then turns it around on her Mommy and Daddy by doing something most diabolically. I'll dare to bet that I can pull off looking cute, too.  And do something truly diabolical.  Something that'll make me abominably proud. "Okay, Little West.  It's time for your cute tushy to take a nap," Mommy interrupts my thoughts before lulling me to sleep. I wake with a shock.  A realization, if you please.  My tushy is CUTE!  Mommy said so, you see.   Speaking of Mommy, I know ...

As Logged By: Agent Rose   When being cute comes so naturally, You'd think this baby was innocent and sweet.  Not one that took pride in acting diabolically. And, sadly, my parents think they've got me beat!   They have caught on to my scheme And waged dastardly plans of their own. But things aren't always what they seem. Just wait until I have them alone!    They bought a pen!  One without a door to crack and break. And that sneaky Mommy and conniving Daddy have set it up in the living room, where they can always have an eye on me. "There," said Mommy once they finished snapping all the pieces together.  "Let's see her get out of that." I hang my head in shame as I admit that I have yet to break through the colorful, woven plastic barrier.  I tried using the kiddie screwdriver to no avail.  The soft teddy was too squishy to give me a boost.  A blow torch might work, though I don't quite know wh...

As Logged By: Agent Chase   When the baby is tired And trying to sleep Don't do something that'll get you fired. Let her count her sheep.   What is this? You still want to wake me up And end my moment of bliss? No, no.  I'm now waking you up!   When a baby is sleeping so quiet and still, you'd think Mommy and Daddy would be happy.  You'd think they'd be thrilled.  Agent Rose had this same issue.  She had parents waking her up in the middle of the night and solved it almost immediately with her diabolical cuteness. Trust me, this captain is very proud. But what to do?  I'm not as diabolically cute as her.  In case you forgot, I apparently look like an old man.  I am baby Jean-Luc Picard. I still tried Agent Rose's way.  I still tried to look too diabolically cute to wake up.  But, alas, it was to no avail.  Mommy and Daddy kept nudging and talking until I gave in and drank some ...

As Logged By: Agent West   It's payback time! Oh, yes it is!  And This Diabolical man has the perfect crime Committed with phone in hand.   Do I look adorable holding your phone? How about more like abominable! Neighbor Patricia gossip?  What a groan! Now I must act dishonorable.   Agent Chase has given the command!  Payback time toward the phone is at hand.  And speaking of hands, I have quite an idea.  If Mommy is so attached to that phone, why not use it as my diabolical weapon of attack?  "I told Patricia not to go out with him," Mommy babbles into the phone, making me give an eye roll. Honestly, is there nothing else to talk about than neighbor Patricia and her date nights?  Patricia this...  Patricia that...  Yakety, yak, yak, yak.   This little dude can't take too much more of that.  Thank goodness for Agent Chase's command.  Thank goodness for this payback. Now, come c...