A Diabolical Leaf Pile

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 As Logged By:


 Agent Chase

 

 Raking the leaves seems a bore

For a baby watching by the door.

Vroom vroom with the leaf blower

Why not just use the mower?

 

Now the mountain's getting high.

It almost reaches to the sky!

You want me to do what?

But Gobbles is going in red-hot!

 

 I crawl to the left, I crawl to the right.  I sit on my rump and I give a huff.
 
This dratted playpen has no weak spots.  Not a single place to sneak out.  How is a diabolical mastermind supposed to wreck havoc when stuck in here?
 
"How ya doin', Chase?"  Mommy calls with a wave.  
 
I glance and give a grimace.  She's dripping with sweat and as crimsoned as an overripe persimmon.  
 
"I'm only going to be a few minutes longer," she promises, though I seem to have a touch of trouble believing her.
 
Why?
 
Because she's in the front yard, raking the leaves.  And, from the sight of it, she's raked... maybe three...
 
This is going to take forever.  If only Mommy had left me with some proper toys in this playpen.  A stink bomb, perhaps.  
 
Wait...
 
What's that?
 
Just under the rug and barely able to be seen, it's a little tear in the plastic.  Just big enough for my hand?  Let's see.
 
I wriggle and wave my fist side to side.  This is taking some effort, enough to possibly let out a...
 
PHHHRRRRRTTTHHHHPPPPTTTT!
 
"I heard that!"
 
Oopsies. 
 
AHA!  I've got my fist all the way in.
 
Now, I just need to grip that plastic as best as I can.  With all of my might, I'll give it a yank.
 
One, two...
 
Three!
 
RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPPP!!
 
SSSLLLLLLIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!
 
My grip wasn't enough!  I fall back on my stinky behind.  
 
"WWWAAAAHHHHHH!"
 
"Oh, Sweetie."  Mommy comes running.  "Did you fall?"
 
Mommy's cuddles stop suddenly when she sees the big tear in the playpen's base.  
 
"Were you trying to break out?"  She quietly guesses.  
 
Maybe.
 
"Everyone okay?"  Daddy asks as he comes out with his plaid button up and a pair of gloves. 
 
"You're going to have to take over raking the leaves.  Chase is getting a bit too rambunctious." 
 
Daddy takes one look at the rake and simply mumbles, "Uh huh."
 
"This is important.  I want Chase to experience this!"
 
Experience what? 
 
Watching the two of you drip sweat and push leaves from one side of the yard to the other?
 
"I know.  I know," Daddy assures.  "But, I'm going to get my leaf blower."
 
"Ugh," Mommy throws a huge eye roll.  "Fine."
 
VROOM!
 
My jaw lowers and I gawk when Daddy comes out of the garage with the handheld blower and, then, turns it on.  My thoughts are getting excited!  Ideas are spinning and sparking!  There's a lot of fun a diabolical mastermind can create with this loud thing.
 
In less than a minute, Daddy is done.  
 
Mommy is squealing and I'm...  
 
Well, what am I supposed to be?  What am I looking at?  Just a huge pile of leaves?
 
If you wanted to clean up the yard, why not just use the mower?  Wouldn't that have worked better?
 
Why would you bother placing them all in a pile?
 
"Come on, Chase!  Let's go jump in the leaves!"
 
Excuse me!  What!?
 
"Gobble, gobble!"  Gobbles comes running.  He's at a full sprint.  He dashes across the yard and gives a great, big hop.
 
SPLASH!
 
Right into the pile, Gobbles has disappeared.  
 
Only to pop right back out and get ready to do it again.
 
Okay, that looks fun. 
 
"MMM!"  I point and beg.
 
"Okay, are you ready, Baby?"  Mommy asks with her eyes sparkling maniacally.  "Here!  We!  GO!"
 
Mommy dashes with Gobbles right behind.  She jumps and we go airborne. 
 
WEEEEEEEE!
 
SPLASH!
 
We land on the cushy leaves and I get to see them fly all around me.
 
 This is amazing!  
 
That's when I see Mommy not smiling like me.
 
"Chase," she growls.  "I never changed your diaper, did I?"
 
Oopsies.
 
 
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