A Diabolical Stand

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 As Logged By:

Agent West

 

 Mommy's been too collected,

That needs to be corrected.

What's a trick that'll confuse her

And send her running in a blur?

 

Am I standing, am I not?

Mommy's gone crazy with fraught.

Will she convince Daddy

Or start screaming madly? 

 
Bored!  Bored!  Bored!
 
Look at Mommy over there.  In the kitchen, cooking with flare.  She seems so collected and here this diabolical dude is bored out of his wits end.
 
If only I could do something truly diabolical.  If only I could correct her collected state.
 
I need to take a diabolical stand!  I need to...
 
Wait a minute.
 
What was that?
 
I need to take a diabolical stand?
 
Hmhmm...
 
Can I do it?  Can I get my rump up enough to straighten myself and stand?
 
One foot down, then the other.  I pull up enough to a crouch.  I take a breath and one more.  I get that rump up, then heave!  Heave!  HO!
 
AHA!
 
I'm up!  I'm standing.  This baby has mastered the diabolical stand.
 
Look at me, Mommy.  Look at me!  I'm standing.  I'm standing.  I'm...
 
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  You're standing!"
 
That's what I said.
 
"Honey!  Get in here.  West is actually standing!"
 
However, as Mommy looks away, down I plop back to a sit.  Daddy comes in the room.  His eyes are wide, his grin is huge.
 
One look at me and that excited expression falls.
 
"Are you sure?"  He asks.
 
"Yes, he was standing!  I know it."  Mommy insists.
 
"Uh huh," Daddy shuffles away.
 
Mommy watches as he leaves, giving a glare in his direction.  Now is my chance.  I hoist back up into that crouch and push, heave, HO!
 
By the time Mommy looks back at me, I'm once again doing a perfect stand.
 
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"  Mommy dashes from the kitchen to go grab Daddy.
 
I so proud about standing that I almost forget that this diabolical dude is in the middle of a mission.  
 
Down I plop and grab a block.  Mommy yanks Daddy into the room, where I look up and give both an innocent grin.  
 
"He's not standing," Daddy says with an annoyance in his tone.
 
"He was, I know it.  Here!"  Mommy comes over and lifts me just enough that my dangling toes tickle the floor.  "Go on, West.  Give standing a try."
 
Should I do it?  Should I stand?  
 
I set my feet flat on the floor.  Mommy beams and Daddy leans forward.  She starts to let go, but down I slip.  
 
KER-PLOP.  
 
I land on the floor hard enough to bounce.
 
"MMMMMMRRRRRRR."  I give a warning cry.  One more try and I'll belt out a wail.
 
"Don't force it, please."  Daddy sags his shoulders and shuffles away.
 
"But, but...  he really was standing.  I promise!"  Mommy looks at me, one eye starting to squint.  "You were standing, right?"
 
All I do is look at her with an innocent stare.
 
"Maybe I am going crazy," she concedes and leaves to go back to her cooking.
 
I wait a minute, then pull my legs in.  As she's distracted, I pull up to a crouch.  I push, I heave, I HO!
 
"What!?"  Mommy gawks and freezes when she sees me standing.  She points and opens her mouth to yell, but nothing comes out.  Her voice has frozen in her throat.  She flings her finger and looks all about, until her sanity can't take anymore.
 
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  She yells and falls flat on the floor completely passed out.
 
Daddy comes rushing in to find me sitting on the floor.  "What happened?  He asks.
 
And this diabolical dude does nothing more than shrug.
 
 
Upcoming log:  A Diabolical Bark
 

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