A Diabolical Beauty and the Beans

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 As Logged By:

Agent Rose 

 

Just a simple rhyme.

Beans that don't impress.

Barely even sweet,

Try adding a beet.

Perfect Yumminess!

 

Just a simple rhyme.

Toots are never gone.

Bittersweet cookies,

Hiding all the zucchies.

Add in a fake yawn. 

 

Just a simple rhyme.

A diabolical time.

Beauty and the beans.

 

A picnic in the park is what it's all about!  Nothing is better than a family reunion full of food.
 
There's beans, cookies, beans, hot dogs, beans, fruit salad, beans, and more beans.
 
Yes, there are that many bowls and plates of beans on the table.  With so many beans displayed about, you know this diabolical cutie has a plan ready to pop out.
 
I can't complain.  I love my beans.  I do, I do, I do.
 
"Here's some cut up hot dogs and some baked beans," Daddy says as he carefully carries the paper tray to where this diabolical beauty is sitting in the comfy shade.  "I know you pointed at all of the plates of baked beans, but let's start off with this one first." 
 
"Which beans did you get?"  Mommy asks with a touch of concern.  Something that stops me from taking a bite.
 
Daddy shrugs.  "I don't know.  The one on the left." 
 
"You don't know!?  We have to know, so that we know who brought it!"
 
Mommy hurries off the blanket and rushes to the table.  She shoves Cousin Molly to the side and zings around Auntie P.
 
I look at Daddy to ask what is going on.  His face is completely blank.  I guess he has no idea, either.
 
"Here," Daddy offers.  "Go ahead and have some.  If it tastes bad, you can always spit it out."  He scoops up some beans with my baby spoon and down the hatch the first bite goes.
 
Num, num
 
...
 
YUCK!  YUCK! 
 
What kind of baked beans are these!?  
 
They're crunchy, and yucky, and sour, and firm.  These are an abomination to the yummy deliciousness of truly stupendous baked beans.
 
I spit every last one out.  Right onto Daddy's face.
 
"I take it those didn't taste good."
 
GGRRRGGGLL!
 
Apparently, my stomach agrees.
 
"STOP!"  Mommy yells as loudly as is safe.  "Those were Great Aunt Idas!  She doesn't check for rocks, she forgets how long to have them cook, one time someone found a sock."
 
"We gathered," Daddy groans, still wiping beans off of his face.
 
GGRRGGGLL!
 
"Ohhhhhhhh, no."  Mommy's eyes grow wide.  "Quick, we need to give her something else.  I'll get more beans, you start on the hot dog."
 
I readily eat the cut up hot dog.  Anything to get this baby's tummy feeling good again.
 
Oh, it hurts.  Those baked beans were bad beans...
 
PPPHHHHRRRRFFFFFTTTTTTHHHHHTTTTT!
 
Ah, that's better.
 
"Well, that calls for a diaper check."
 
"Everything okay?"  Mommy asks as she returns.  "We heard that from all the way over at the table."
 
I glance over to Cousin Molly and grin a big smile.  Her face is puckered and her nose crinkled.  Don't worry, I've got something extra special for her.
 
"Here's some of Gran's baked beans and I got a plate of cookies, too."  
 
Mommy spoons me the first bite.  I instantly make a face.  These beans are cooked, that's a start, but they aren't nearly as sweet as baked beans should be.
 
"What?"  Mommy takes a bite and makes a face.  "Give me her beet packet, that'll help."
 
I try it again.
 
Mmm! 
 
Perfect yumminess!
 
On to the cookies.  I'm so ready for a taste.  We have bittersweet, we have snickerdoodle, we have oatmeal, and we have... 
 
What in the world are these?
 
They have green stuff running through them.
 
"I see someone is ready to try my famous zucchies!"  Auntie P gushes as she draws closer.
 
Zucchies?
 
"I bet she won't even tell that there's grated zucchinis in them."
 
Yes, I will!
 
I make sure that no one is looking and fling the whole thing at a nearby bush.  A squirrel leaps over for a sniff and even he can't stand the smell of it.  Off the squirrel bounds looking for something a little more tasteful.
 
"She's eaten the whole thing!"  Auntie P proudly exclaims.  "I want to hold this beautiful baby!"
 
No!  Not Auntie P!  
 
She'll swing me, she'll throw me, she'll squeeze me, she'll...
 
Hey, this could work out after all.
 
"Ooohhh!  I just want to squeeze you and love you and..."
 
PPPHHHHHFFFFRRRRRTTTTHHHHHTTTTPPPPPP!
 
"AAHHH!  It stinks!  AAAHHH!  It's in my mouth.  Oh!  The Stink!  AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
 
Auntie P runs away.  Past the picnic table and through the games.  She doesn't stop at the coolers, just keeps going until free of the gassy faze.
 
"That certainly was something," Mommy looks down at me.
 
I offer a yawn and bat my eyes.  Time for this sleepy beauty to get some shut eye.
 
PPPHHHHHTTTTT!
 
 
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