Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Mommy's wearing her snack And looking pretty funny. I wonder if she'd want them back After I feed her like a bunny.   Perhaps I will take one bite. They can't be all that bad. I'll chew with all my might, But their flavor is just sad.     Has Mommy fallen ill? Is she trying on a new mask? What are those green things covering her eyes? I shuffle over for a closer look. Those green and shiny disks look quite ridiculous. And they smell watery, too. Wait… Is this some sort of trick? Has Mommy devised a plan to capture this diabolical sweetie? Is she planning on taking me to the doctor for a checkup? Or back to Auntie P’s? There’s only one way to find out. Keeping as quietly as I can, I crawl my way closer to where Mommy is lying on the floor. I peek to the left, I peek to the right. All is apparently clear. I raise my arm and lean a little closer and… WHACK!!! “Rosie!” Mommy yel...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Agent Chase's Mom Agent Chase has fallen ill. A snafu with a fart gun I presume. Mommy's here to fill the bill Until she's well and ready to zoom. She got her diabolical mind from me. If only she knew what was in store. For now, let her laugh with glee. Soon her dreams will be anything but a bore. Of course, I knew my little Chase wanted some sanity cookies.  How could I not?  She gets her diabolical mastermind side from me.  That means I know what she's up to at all times. I know about the stink bombs, I'm prepared for her attempts at getting me under her spell, but I let her think she's got me fooled.  That her tricks are anything but a treat. Plus, they were chocolate.  Who wouldn't want chocolate cookies?  Honestly. But, you see, there is more to inheriting a diabolical mind than simple, devious plans.  A fact I have yet to share with my little Chase.  When my diabolical mind was passed down to her, that meant ...

 As Logged By: Agent West It might be my birthday But that doesn't mean I'll be nice. I'll be especially diabolical today And I might include some mice. Cousin JimJim coming to play? He better be wide awake. I'm all prepared today. Just wait until he sees the cake! Oh, really!? Seriously, Mommy!? It’s my birthday, but am I playing in mud piles or being as diabolically abominable as can be with the Diabolical Drei? NOOOOOOO! I’m sitting here in an overalls and bow tie, apparently looking like a dashingly adorable young man. Did I mention that the bow tie has polka dots on it? And the worst of the worst is that Cousin JimJim is going to visit. Well… I guess that isn’t quite as bad as I claimed. Because, this diabolical dude has made some special plans for Cousin JimJim today. Ew, gross. He glares when my aunt sets him down. It’s stinky Cousin West. I’m ready to call out a number of diabolical names, but the doorbell ringing st...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Mommy is searching frantically. Daddy's ready to give up. I can't believe how diabolically It is to hide a sippy cup. Is it on the bike rack Or behind the iced tea? Uh oh, time for a snack. Now, I'm feeling thirsty. Mommy is running all about, looking quite sweaty with her face bright red.  "Where is it!?" I don't know!"  Daddy slumps his shoulders and looks this way and that.  He taps a fallen pillow with his toe.  I guess he thinks that will somehow help? And where am I? Simply sitting in the middle of the living room floor, sniffling and pouting from a lack of a sippy cup.  My favorite sippy cup. Oh, heavens!  Don't worry. I know right where it is. But I had a rough sleep last night and am not feeling up to my normal diabolical delights.  I don't have the energy for tricking Mommy and Daddy into being smacked and Agent West hasn't finished my new fart teddy yet. Who knew that hiding a sippy cup could be just as dia...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Stink, stink everywhere! Not a drop of fresh air. It's in my mouth and in my hair. A stink that's more than I can bear! Mommy was supposed to get sprayed, But, somehow, the target became me. Now my nerves are frayed And I'm as sick as can be. Oh, the calamity! The catastrophe! A horrible monstrosity of abominable stenches is upon me! To trip over my own two feet at the precise moment that I let my Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000 rip.  The very same second that I pulled the trigger.  Oh, I hang my head in shame. Karma? I wouldn't doubt it. And who should be the victim of this cataclysmic disaster?  Not Mommy dearest, who has moved on from sanity cookies to the more delectable chocolate truffle.  No, no, no, no.  The intended victim of the Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000 has been spared. For the new victim is now me! All thanks to this baby having two left feet. Oh, make the smell go away.  Toots I can handle.  Rotten eggs...

 As Logged By: Agent West Daddy thinks I tooted And usually he'd be right. But this baby's butt has disputed Such a stinky fright. Does Mommy think she'll win At turning the blame onto me? Watch this diabolical dude pin Her in the act.  Hehe! "Yuck, West.  That toot stinks beyond belief.  Even for you!" "What do you have to say for yourself, little man?" I'd say that your cheeks are burning awfully red, Mommy.  Red with complete and utter guilt! How dare Daddy assume I produced that toot!?  Yes, it is a mighty stinker.  Well done, Mommy.  But it was as silent as could be!  Does Daddy really think I would dare produce a stink without a trumpet's blast to announce my victory? Eww! Here comes another one.  Straight from Mommy's patootie. "This one stinks even worse!  That's it."  Daddy waves his hand frantically in front of his nose, completely oblivious of Mommy's reddening cheeks.  "You make a stink like that again and i...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose I've got a poopy That wants to come out. It might be soupy. Everybody look out! I enjoyed too many apricots. Now I'm regretting it Like when I ate sauerkraut. Hello potty!  Here I sit.   Oh, the gurgles.  Oh, the gas!   Why did I eat so many dried apricots?  Oh why, why why?   They were so good.  So diabolically soft, chewy, and delicious.   Now I've gotta go.  And I mean GO!  This poopy has given its final notice.  Get to the potty or destroy the carpet with a poopy stain that will be remembered in infamy.   "Are you wanting to play with Daddy?"  Daddy asks as he reaches down.   Are you kidding me?  I have a poopy that can't wait for play.  I swat my Daddy's hand and I swat him again.  Move out of the way, mister.  This baby has a diabolical, poopy overload that's threatening. NOOO! "Peekaboo!"  My daddy calls after yanking me off the floor and giving me a toss....