A Diabolical Coffee Swap

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 As Logged By:

Agent Rose

 

 Only such a cutie as me

Can drink tea so diabolically.

Oolong, jasmine, black, and green

And everything in between.

 

What's this steaming in Mommy's cup?

Something to help her stay up?

Ooh, a coffee of Irish Creme?

It needs a pinch to make Mommy scream.

 

Look at how cute I am!
 
Drinking out of Mommy's giant tea mug.
 
Sip, sip.  Aah, such a delight green tea can be.
 
"I'm telling you, Joanna, you've got to try this new Fire Department Coffee brew.  I LOVE it," Mommy expertly exaggerates her statement with a long wave of one arm and a large mug in the other.  Meanwhile, a new friend, whom I assume is Joanna, carefully follows behind with a mug clasped tight between both of her hands.
 
"It certainly sounds yummy.  I've never heard of Irish Creme coffee before."
 
I tip my head back to enjoy another sip of tea, but this diabolical sweetie has drunk her mug dry.  I pout out my lower lip, I turn my mug upside down and give it a pump.  Nothing, nothing, nothing.  My tea has run out.
 
"Mmm, you're right.  This does taste good."
 
"I had to fight my husband to get him to buy some.  He's so old fashioned.  'I'll just stick to a simple medium roast,' he says.  That man doesn't know delicious, even when it slaps him."
 
Delicious has slapped my daddy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
 
I forget about the mug.  Who is this Delicious?  
 
Forget being a sweetie.  This diabolical cutie is ready to go full blown crazy diaper mode.  Nobody slaps Daddy!!!!!!  Only I get to slap Daddy!  And those are simple, adorably cute baby smacks.  This Delicious is going to pay!
 
The doorbell rings and Mommy rushes to answer.  
 
As she's away, I sneak across the floor.  If I'm going to take this Delicious on, I need a pick-me-up.  A tea-licious boost.  I take Mommy's mug, what is that smell?  It certainly isn't tea.  What is this steaming up from her mug?
 
"Sorry, little one.  This coffee isn't for you."
 
Coffee?  What's coffee?  I give the drink a sniff.  
 
It does smell good, but I have to agree.  Whatever this is, it's stronger than tea.
 
"Mine, Rosie.  Not for you."  Mommy turns to her new arrival.  "You've got to try this coffee.  How about a cup?"
 
"It's really yummy," Joanna agrees.  "Irish Creme.  Delicious!"
 
My head jerks up and I eye this new arrival, this friend I've never met.  So, this is the infamous Delicious.  The one who slapped my daddy.  The one who will get a taste of this Diabolical Drei agent's diabolical maximum. 
 
"Fire Department Coffee?  I'll definitely take a cup."
 
Mommy leaves for the kitchen with one mug in hand.  Soon she'll come back with two with a display that is so, so grand.
 
This is my chance.  As the guests chat, I sneak away.  Delicious will get an extra pinch of something in her coffee.  Something that will surely say, "don't touch my daddy."
 
I sashay to the left.  I sashay to the right.  All the while, I keep out of sight.  
 
"Here's the coffee!"  Mommy announces while leaving the kitchen, never once seeing where I'm hiding.  Next to the cupboard, so close to the spices.  
 
I don't have to guess.  I know which one to grab.
 
I tuck it away and sashay back to Mommy and her friends.  How to distract them?  What should I do?  That's when I see the bird feeder and a visitor or two.
 
"AH!"  I declare and point.
 
All three women look up, they follow the view to the window and outside, to the birds dancing with delight.
 
"Is that a blue jay?"  Joanna asks.  
 
Perfect!  They're distracted.  Now's my chance.
 
I open the container and tip it over.  Sprinkle, sprinkle.  Give it a pinch, a dash.  Maybe the whole stash!
 
Just in time, I tuck the spice container away.  Never once did they see me.  Never once did they notice.
 
Joanna takes a drink, followed by Delicious.
 
"Mmm, you're right Joanna.  This is delicious."
 
"I told you so, Kelly."
 
Kelly?  Who's Kelly?
 
Wait, why didn't she react?  I put enough red pepper in Delicous's, I mean Kelly's, coffee to make her...
 
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  Mommy screams and screams.  "SPICY!  IT'S SPICY!!!  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
 
 Well, at least I now know that this friend is not the delicious that Mommy was speaking of.
 
 
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