Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Mommy is searching frantically. Daddy's ready to give up. I can't believe how diabolically It is to hide a sippy cup. Is it on the bike rack Or behind the iced tea? Uh oh, time for a snack. Now, I'm feeling thirsty. Mommy is running all about, looking quite sweaty with her face bright red.  "Where is it!?" I don't know!"  Daddy slumps his shoulders and looks this way and that.  He taps a fallen pillow with his toe.  I guess he thinks that will somehow help? And where am I? Simply sitting in the middle of the living room floor, sniffling and pouting from a lack of a sippy cup.  My favorite sippy cup. Oh, heavens!  Don't worry. I know right where it is. But I had a rough sleep last night and am not feeling up to my normal diabolical delights.  I don't have the energy for tricking Mommy and Daddy into being smacked and Agent West hasn't finished my new fart teddy yet. Who knew that hiding a sippy cup could be just as dia...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Stink, stink everywhere! Not a drop of fresh air. It's in my mouth and in my hair. A stink that's more than I can bear! Mommy was supposed to get sprayed, But, somehow, the target became me. Now my nerves are frayed And I'm as sick as can be. Oh, the calamity! The catastrophe! A horrible monstrosity of abominable stenches is upon me! To trip over my own two feet at the precise moment that I let my Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000 rip.  The very same second that I pulled the trigger.  Oh, I hang my head in shame. Karma? I wouldn't doubt it. And who should be the victim of this cataclysmic disaster?  Not Mommy dearest, who has moved on from sanity cookies to the more delectable chocolate truffle.  No, no, no, no.  The intended victim of the Stink Infested Dousing Gun 2000 has been spared. For the new victim is now me! All thanks to this baby having two left feet. Oh, make the smell go away.  Toots I can handle.  Rotten eggs...

 As Logged By: Agent West Daddy thinks I tooted And usually he'd be right. But this baby's butt has disputed Such a stinky fright. Does Mommy think she'll win At turning the blame onto me? Watch this diabolical dude pin Her in the act.  Hehe! "Yuck, West.  That toot stinks beyond belief.  Even for you!" "What do you have to say for yourself, little man?" I'd say that your cheeks are burning awfully red, Mommy.  Red with complete and utter guilt! How dare Daddy assume I produced that toot!?  Yes, it is a mighty stinker.  Well done, Mommy.  But it was as silent as could be!  Does Daddy really think I would dare produce a stink without a trumpet's blast to announce my victory? Eww! Here comes another one.  Straight from Mommy's patootie. "This one stinks even worse!  That's it."  Daddy waves his hand frantically in front of his nose, completely oblivious of Mommy's reddening cheeks.  "You make a stink like that again and i...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose I've got a poopy That wants to come out. It might be soupy. Everybody look out! I enjoyed too many apricots. Now I'm regretting it Like when I ate sauerkraut. Hello potty!  Here I sit.   Oh, the gurgles.  Oh, the gas!   Why did I eat so many dried apricots?  Oh why, why why?   They were so good.  So diabolically soft, chewy, and delicious.   Now I've gotta go.  And I mean GO!  This poopy has given its final notice.  Get to the potty or destroy the carpet with a poopy stain that will be remembered in infamy.   "Are you wanting to play with Daddy?"  Daddy asks as he reaches down.   Are you kidding me?  I have a poopy that can't wait for play.  I swat my Daddy's hand and I swat him again.  Move out of the way, mister.  This baby has a diabolical, poopy overload that's threatening. NOOO! "Peekaboo!"  My daddy calls after yanking me off the floor and giving me a toss....

 As Logged By: Agent Chase When baby's stuck at home Eating mushy Brussels sprouts That taste like gooey foam, She starts considering Mommy's whereabouts.   Where else would Mommy be Than at Agent West's house Eating sanity cookies with glee? Now she's about to get doused!   I might be ready for bed.  I might be tired.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to go to sleep.  Mommy's been gone since my midday nap and now I hear Mommy's car driving in the garage.  This diabolical mastermind wants to know where she's been. "You're back late," Daddy greets her as I listen in. "I couldn't help it.  We had to make another batch of her cookies," Mommy confesses with a giggle. Cookies?  Cookies?  Which cookies are these?  Wait a minute...   SHE ATE CHOCOLATE WITHOUT ME!    Mommy sneaked over to Agent West's house whilst I innocently napped and enjoyed his Mommy's chocolatey chocolate sanity cookies.     Wait, calm down Age...

 As Logged By: Agent West Agent West's Mom Agent West is fast at work Fixing a teddy for a special girl. His Mommy's gone berserk. Time for her to give baking a whirl! Sanity cookies are just the thing To keep Mommy from going completely insane. Rather than whistle, I think I'll sing Since no one's here to complain.   I'm home alone and ready to let loose! Daddy and baby make quite the diabolical pair, and always right when I'm ready for a break.  But the wine is poured, don't worry, I'll definitely be pouring more.  I'm turning on the music.  I'm belting out every tune.   Let's get that cookie sheet greased!  All this mommy needs is some chocolate chips and the two other Diabolical Drei mommies to share these with. Mommy's Sanity Cookies A delicious mess of chocolate  Makes 24 (12 if you go for the sanity sized)   Ingredients:   1/2 cup softened butter  (BUT, if you are like most moms and don't know ahead of time when the...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose He exploded with every squeeze Producing a fart as smelly As soured wet cheese, Making Auntie P sick to her belly. But I was enjoying my favorite song And I squeezed him too hard. Now something is wrong And he's starting to smell like swiss chard. "Oh no!  Out of my way!"  Auntie P yells on her way to the bathroom with one hand over her mouth and the other flailing wildly. Another family get together.  Another chance to exact my diabolical schemes.  I brought my oh, so cute and lovable fart teddy with me this time and you better believe no cousins are calling fat today. Giving me a look, Cousin Molly?  Think I don't hear you talking behind my back?  Take that!   SQUEEZE AND FART! There goes Molly running away.  Coughing and gagging, but the stink follows her anyway.   I love you, fart teddy.  I love you!  I love you!  I love you!   I could kiss Agent West for this perfect gift.   "Yum...