I hugged my fart teddy too hard

 As Logged By:

Agent Rose

He exploded with every squeeze

Producing a fart as smelly

As soured wet cheese,

Making Auntie P sick to her belly.

But I was enjoying my favorite song

And I squeezed him too hard.

Now something is wrong

And he's starting to smell like swiss chard.

"Oh no!  Out of my way!"  Auntie P yells on her way to the bathroom with one hand over her mouth and the other flailing wildly.

Another family get together.  Another chance to exact my diabolical schemes.  I brought my oh, so cute and lovable fart teddy with me this time and you better believe no cousins are calling fat today.

Giving me a look, Cousin Molly?  Think I don't hear you talking behind my back?  Take that!

There goes Molly running away.  Coughing and gagging, but the stink follows her anyway.
I love you, fart teddy.  I love you!  I love you!  I love you!
I could kiss Agent West for this perfect gift.
"Yummy, yummy, yummy..."
My favorite oldies song (that cute one from The Ohio Express) starts playing on the speakers and I can't help myself.  This sweetie with the cutie bootie has love in her tummy!  I'm bouncing, I'm dancing, I'm giving my teddy a great big squeeze...
Uh oh...  

A thick slime of greenish brown, which stinks worse than a vat of soured wet cheese, is now oozing its way down Molly's head.  Small globs dripping off to land on the ground and evaporate into little poofs of putrid stench and ick.  Auntie P takes one step outside before slinging her hand across her mouth and running back into the bathroom.

In my hand is my exploded teddy.  His butt completely missing.

I guess I got too excited and must have squeezed a little too hard.

Molly thuds to the ground, passed out from so much stench, but all I care about is my teddy.

My lower lip trembles.  My button nose sniffles.  I give my teddy a hug before I start to wail.

I cling to my teddy the whole ride home, not caring that his putridness is rotting down from soured wet cheese to molding swiss chard.

Please fix my teddy, Agent West!  Fix his butt to fart again and I just might give your cheek a little kiss!

Previous Log: Pulling out Daddy's hair


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