Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Thanksgiving came and went And I loved every bit of it Until Cousin Molly started to vent And made me want to spit. Did I get her in the face  Or spit a loogie on her plate? If only I had my mace, But that will have to wait. Mmm...  Mmm...  Mmm... Turkey, stuffing, and gravy.  Oh, my!  Next I'll have a slice of pie. "Oh, look how cute Rose is holding her fork like that," one relative says.  "She's trying to devour it all in one bite!"  Says another.   Go ahead and adore me, just keep the Thanksgiving feast coming!   "Ugh!  Who cares about some baby acting cute,"  Cousin Molly complains.  With an eye roll, I might add!  I dare say that someone's a little jealous.  "She's just a little fatty eating a lot of food."   Excuse me!?   Sure, sure.  The verbal wraths and "how dare you's" are spewing right and left.  But Molly's shield is obviously up.  Those scorns...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase I may be tired. My eyes starting to droop, But I'm too wired And ready for a big poop. Mommy says she needs a break. Daddy wants to lie down. Do they really think they can make This baby go to sleepy town?   Man, do I have to poop!   Mommy has laid me down, and a nap does sound nice, but this baby is not going to go to sleep that easily.  Especially, when I need to go to the bathroom this crazily.   Now, I know what you must be thinking.  If you have to go, then go and call out for someone to come and change your diaper.   That sounds well and good, but then I'd surely fall asleep.  This isn't just about a smelly poopy.  I'm a diabolical baby.  I must make this about driving my parents insane.   Sniffle, sniffle.  "Wah!  Wah!"   In comes Mommy.  "It's okay, Sweetie.  Just go to sleep."  She rocks me gently against her shoulder, which feels quite good.   I start to doze an...

 As Logged By: Agent West Mommy could have sworn That she put it away. This is why I was born. To drive Mommy crazy.  Hurray! She turns around And there it sits So neatly on the ground. Not torn into little bits. "There's my order form!"  Mommy exclaims, reaching down to grab the shiny piece of paper off of the floor.  "How did you even reach it?" It was quite simple, Mommy.  I am ready to tell you how.  But, alas, you have not waited for me to explain.  You asked your question, then ignored me while you put the order form away. Or did you... "What the..."  Mommy gasps when she turns back around.  "Is that...  But I could have sworn..." She looks at the order form sitting on the floor.  She blinks and blinks, but it is still there.  So, she goes to her desk drawer and what is in there? "Huh," Mommy says when she doesn't find the order form in there, though she is swearing that she had put it away not five seconds ago.  "We...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose They're creepy.  They're crawly. They have eight whole legs. Should I love them like cousin Molly Or fear them like Granny Megs? Fear them?  Are you crazy? I'm a Diabolical Drei baby! I'm not going to be lazy Agent West says, "squash 'em."  Maybe... Okay!  What is it with autumn that the whole world becomes nothing but spiders!? They're in the car.  They're in the air.  They're under the sink.  Ech!  They're in my hair!  No, wait... That one was a fake.  Well done, cousin Molly.  What a funny trick you played at Auntie P's Halloween party last night.  Guess who's been added to my target list... At least, I didn't scream like Granny Megs when I pulled it out of my hair. There goes one now, a real one, across the bathroom floor.  I crawl closer to inspect this species of creepy crawlies.  It scuttles about with its eight legs so well and who can't help but admire a bug that paralyzes its p...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Mommy dressed me like a bunny. One with big, floppy ears. Everyone thought it was funny. A Halloween to remember for years.   I ignored my diabolical side And put up with it for the night. Then Mommy sneaked right inside The pantry.  Yep, that's right.   I put up with it!  Why did I put up with it?   For three hours, I was a fuzzy-wuzzy, cutesy-wootsy bunny.  With ears so long that they kept flopping in my face and hitting my nose.  So, why did I subject myself to such torture, such parental ridicule? A)  At least, I was no longer dressed as Jean-Luc Picard.  That captain of the next generation. And B)  FOR THE CHOCOLATE!  DUH!!!! I'd put up with anything:  Cheek pinches, silly photos, a hug from the Puppy.  Anything to get a pumpkin bucket of chocolate filled to the rim. Then Mommy did a bad, bad thing.  Something this diabolical baby can't ignore. Into the pantry, Mommy tiptoed when ...

 As Logged By: Agent West Daddy's sleeping on the floor Right where I like to play. Watching him is such a bore. Ooh, an idea, if I may. Should I swing my arm and Bop him on his toes Or should I smack him on the hand? I know, I'll sock him on the nose. I leave for one minute to make a farting teddy bear for Agent Rose and what do I come home to? Daddy asleep on the floor and snoring as loud as a boar.  Apparently, I have been a little soft on him.  Apparently, he thinks he can get away with falling asleep right where I like to play. I'm too diabolical to just go around him to get to my toys.  This is a golden opportunity.  A silver platter just waiting for my abominable touch. Should I toot my heinie right in his face?  I've already done that to Mommy.  Should I fill his pockets with cream of wheat?  Perhaps another time.  Ooh, what if I saw the floor out from under him?  No, no, no.  I don't know how to use a saw yet. What to do, w...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose I've finally gotten my cutey sleep. So, this diabolical baby is ready. Auntie P, you mean, old bleepedy bleep Now you must face my teddy. I thought Agent West's gift Was just a little bit odd Until I squeezed and caught a whiff Of what came out of teddy's bod. He made it oh, so diabolically and all just for me.  That sweet Agent West.  If this works, I might have to give him a kiss. Nah,  How gross would that be? What is this gift, you might suspiciously ask.  Oh, it's nothing really.  Just a plain old teddy bear.  Hehehe. Knock.  Knock.   I get in position as Mommy opens the door.  Nothing to see here.  I'm only a little, cute baby playing with her plain, old teddy bear.  Hehehe. "There she is!"  Auntie P squeals and picks me up.  To the couch she carries me and sits me on her lap.  "Now, you stay right here and be good for Auntie P." Sure thing, Auntie P.  I'll stay right here....