A Diabolically Sassy Emu

 As Logged By:

Agent Rose

 

They say they want an adventure

Where Auntie P won't lose a denture.

To the animal sanctuary we go

For an exotic animal show.

 

Suddenly Sydney cocks her head

And Mommy considers playing dead.

I'm having so much fun

Watching this giant bird run! 

 

 This little cutie has had enough!!!!!!!

 

Trekking through the Unknown Hills buried somewhere inside the Forest of Henry Skills.  No power, no phones, no fast food...

 

At least, there have been no drones.

 

"I can't go another mile!"  Auntie P wails and threatens to fall.  "Whose blasted idea was it to go this far from humanity?"

 

"It was your idea, Auntie P," Mommy barely manages to huff between deep gasps that only barely keep her standing up.  Poor Mommy tries to wipe away some sweat, but her sleeve is already too wet.

 

"Can we go somewhere fun, that allows us to sit down?"  Daddy begs from under his trekking hat, whose rims are now sagging and the brightly colored feather he found on day one has taken on a weathered and tired look.

 

I'm all for that!  So, I make sure my thought is known.

 

"WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  I wail as loud as I can and squeeze my new kangaroo.

 

"Shh, shh.  It's okay, Sweetie," Mommy comforts, though she's looking from side to side more than anything else.  "We don't want to scare any bears."

 

"Or deer."

 

"Or kangaroos!"  Auntie P adds, much to everyone's sideways glance.

 

"Auntie P, kangaroos don't live here," Mommy tries to quietly explain.

 

"OH, YES THEY DO!  I've seen one, just a couple of hours from here."

 

"Where?"

 

"At that little zoo," Auntie P proudly proclaims with a hearty nod of her head.

 

"Do you mean the animal sanctuary?"  Daddy asks, a look of hope growing on his face.  That same hope spreading to Mommy, then Uncle Fred.  

 

I've never seen so many old people sprint, but Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Fred, and Auntie P were down the Unknown Hills and in the car before I could figure what was going on.

 

"To the animal sanctuary," they sang and, swift as a toot from a caboose, we were there in a jiffy and, oh, the animals that I see!

 

I completely forget about any diabolical plans, or schemes, or shrieks I may have planned.  These animals are so cute!  They are amazing!  They are...

 

THAT'S A SNAKE!

 

Now, this diabolical cutie has a confession.  I don't like snakes!  I can't stand them, they scare me, they're crazy, they're slithery.  

 

Auntie P holds me right up against the glass.  "Say, 'hi,' to the great big snakey poo," she says in an obnoxious baby voice.  "Look at it flicking its tongue at you.  I bet this big thing could eat you in one bite."

 

"WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"  

 

I wail, and wail, and wail, and wail.  

 

Get me away from that snake and, especially, from Auntie P!

 

"Here, Rosie," Daddy takes me in his arms and calms me right down.  "Let's go outside and look at some of the other animals."  

 

Thank you, Daddy.  I offer him a drooly kiss.

 

Get me away from that crazy lady.  Get me outside to the...

 

Oooooohhhhhhh!

 

What is that?

 

I point in the direction that I want to go.  Daddy follows and off we go.

 

Look at those feathers, look at that beak.  Look at the crazy way this bird stares at me. 

 

"You've brought her here?"  Auntie P rolls her eyes.  "There's nothing exciting about birds."

 

"This is an emu," Mommy calmly explains.  One look at the giant bird, that is as tall as her, and Mommy takes a great big step back.  The color drains from her face.  "They can be quite aggressive."

 

 "I know a few farmers who have them as guard animals," Daddy excitedly explains.  He is getting a look in his eye.  One that says that he's plotting to find a way to get a bird like that at our place.

 

"Well, we don't have any animals that need guarded," Mommy makes her case clear, but Auntie P just snorts and laughs instead.

 

"These things?  They are lazy and crazy.  They don't move or run or anything.  Just watch."

 

Auntie P climbs over the fence.  What is this woman doing?  Doesn't she know not to do that?  I'm diabolical and even I know not to climb over an animal's fence!

 

"Here, lazy bird.  Here, you lazy thing."

 

"Ma'am," the guy in charge calls out and picks up to a jog.  "Please get out of there."

 

"Here, you lazy thing."

 

"Please, Ma'am!  Sydney can be quite aggress...."

 

Suddenly Sydney, the great big emu, cocks her head to the side.  She gives Auntie P a crazy, wild eyed look.

 

Then, takes off in a flash!

 

"AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  Auntie P shrieks as she runs away.

 

"DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!!!!"  Sydney drums from inside her throat and ducks her head to pick up some extra speed.  She's catching up really fast.

 

"HELP MEEEEE!" Auntie P keeps on running. 

 

 Meanwhile, Mommy has taken on a ghostly pale and takes another step back before threatening to fall.  Daddy, however, has joined forces with me.  Him and Uncle Fred.

 

We burst out laughing as we watch Auntie P in distress.  This is better than any diabolical plan I could have created.  

 

"Sydney, here Sydney," the guy in charge jumps in.  He gets the bird's attention and she stops chasing after Auntie P.  Making a frown that matches the emu's, he makes it clear, "If you are going to break the rules, I'm afraid you'll have to leave." 

 

"I'm very sorry for our aunt's behavior," Daddy explains between laughs as he makes sure that Mommy is still with us.  "I don't think she'll ever do that again."

 

Indeed, off Auntie P keeps running.  Past the rest of the animals, past the cars.  Where is this crazy woman going?  I don't think she cares, just as long as she can get as far away from Sydney as possible.

 

 Wow, I've never seen an old lady run that fast.

 

Daddy looks at Mommy.  Her color is finally returning.

 

"Can we get an emu?"

 

 

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