Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By:  Agent West    Cousin JimJim wants revenge After he became a bit unhinged. He knows about the gremlin toy That I used as a ploy.   What is that he's looking through? Did Grandpa give him something too? Do I dare take a peek Or will it make me shriek?   You look like a poopy diaper.   You smell like one.   I glare at Cousin JimJim.  He glares right back.   I wish this diabolical dude had a plan.  I wish I had one.  I truly do.   But, I didn't know that Cousin JimJim was coming over.  It was a complete surprise.  A knock at the door.  A ringing of the bell.  Even Mommy seems a bit surprised.   "I'm sorry I don't have any coffee ready," she says in the kitchen.  "If only I KNEW you were coming over."   Meanwhile, JimJim pops a spit bubble.  One so big that even I'm impressed.     Bet you can't beat that.   Oh, yeah?   I get ready and blow a spit b...

 As Logged By:  Agent Rose   Who knew that chasing after a daisy Could result in something so crazy!? Showing off my new running powers, has led to this baby crying for hours.   Mommy's running back and forth Screaming and squealing for all she's worth. Will it ever come back? Uh oh, Mommy's tripped over the ice pack.     First, this cutie learned to stand.   Now, I'm racing around and causing havoc, mayhem, and making everything fall from the tables to the ground.   "Rosie, no!"  Mommy pants, dipping to catch a vase just in time.     SPLASH!   The vase may be saved, but there goes the water.  Splish, splosh.  Splish, splosh.  The carpet's completely soaked.   Oh, I'm so adorably diabolical.   Hey!  Look!  Look!  One of the daisies fell all the way over there.  I know what I can do!  I'll take off and grab it, then I'll be a diabolical cutie running with one of Mommy's...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    The wind is biting at my eye Until all I do is cry. Get this baby back indoors, So I can crawl on warm floors.   Back inside, safe and sound. No mischief to be found? Maybe I'll attack the tissues, Then make use of the cashews.    Brr!  Brr!  BRR!!!!!!!!!!   This wind is biting hard.  What on earth are Mommy and Daddy thinking?  Why have they brought me out here with them?   "Ooh!"  Daddy calls.  "Look, Chase.  Look at that one!"   I see, I really do.   I love the explosion of light that comes from fireworks at night.  How marvelous!  How grand!   Now, get me inside you crazy parent!   Can't I watch from in there?  Where the air is toasty warm and I can feel the tip of my nose?     BOOM!   There goes another.  This one as loud as one of Agent West's mighty sounds.     "Ahh," Mommy gasps.  "That one ...

 As Logged By: Agent West   You ask me how?  How did I train a cow? Quick wit be diapered. This baby used the right cured.   A small bite of hay Kept this cow from calling all day. Did I really get it to 'meow?'  Or is it trickery, somehow?   If Agent Chase is impressed, I call this mission a success!   This family vacation has been fun, true.  I can't deny that anymore than deny my stinky diaper.  Goat battles and maniacal geese aside, this diabolical dude has had boring moments where he's wanted to sneak away and hide.   Hide and blow spit bubbles.   That's how it all began...   While Mommy pretends she can milk a goat and Daddy tries to imitate the farmer I've nicknamed Ted by saddling a horse...  Hopefully he remembers that the horn faces forward and not the other way around...  Anyway, while they do that, I have sneaked away and am hiding next to the cow, Bessy, nestled snugly in the hay.    I am not em...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   They say they want an adventure Where Auntie P won't lose a denture. To the animal sanctuary we go For an exotic animal show.   Suddenly Sydney cocks her head And Mommy considers playing dead. I'm having so much fun Watching this giant bird run!     This little cutie has had enough!!!!!!!   Trekking through the Unknown Hills buried somewhere inside the Forest of Henry Skills.  No power, no phones, no fast food...   At least, there have been no drones.   "I can't go another mile!"  Auntie P wails and threatens to fall.  "Whose blasted idea was it to go this far from humanity?"   "It was your idea, Auntie P," Mommy barely manages to huff between deep gasps that only barely keep her standing up.  Poor Mommy tries to wipe away some sweat, but her sleeve is already too wet.   "Can we go somewhere fun, that allows us to sit down?"  Daddy begs from under his trekking hat, whose rims are ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   I'm dressed in fancy bows Atop a great fake rose. Family picture day is here. Am I supposed to cheer?   I'd rather focus on the flowerbed Than the camera straight ahead. There seems to be a cow, That has learned to meow.    Agent West is in for a diabolical surprise.     His family may be vacationing on a farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere.  That doesn't mean he had to trick his parents into convincing my parents to do their annual Christmas picture on that farm, too.   Now, look at me!   I'm in a dress that is puffier than a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.  A ribbon here and a ribbon there, not to mention the one in my non existent hair.   "Alright, I want you two on either side of the rose and your baby placed in the bed inside it," the photographer declares as he waves his hands.  One for my parents to follow and one, apparently, to direct me.     Really?   PPPHHHHHFFFFFFR...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   They hear honking in their sleep. This baby hasn't made a peep. How am I getting the blame For the feathered fiends' shouting game?   Honking, honking all night long. As loud as a banging gong.  There they go flying away. Now let's get someone to neigh.    "HONK!  HONK!  HONK!"   From the bed, Mommy flips over the edge and Daddy spirals down the side.   "West!  Stop that!"  Mommy shouts.   All the while, I'm in my crib with mouth hanging open and not a diabolical deed in sight.  How can Mommy assume I honked?  I'm not a goose.   But, there are two standing right outside.   "HONK!  HONK!  HONK!"   Mommy tumbles onto the floor and Daddy goes airborne.   "West, that's enough!"  Mommy screeches, her facing scrunching as she punches her pillow back in place.   "Have you taken away his toys?"  Daddy groggily asks.   "He doesn't have any...