Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West     Will they check my temperature? Or see if I'm starting to mature? This diabolical dude doesn't think so. Especially, when I've got a spit bubble to blow!    The nurses look so nervous. And the doctor can hardly serve us. Do they know that I am hiding  Something stinky that's never subsiding!   "West is going to do great," Daddy reassures.   Mommy, however, doesn't look so convinced.  "You didn't witness what he did last time."   I grin a big whopper as I remember.  The nurses got ready to check my height and weight, they bent down to get a better look at the scale, and PPHHHRRRRFFFFFTTTTTT!   What can this dude do today?   "He'll be fine."  However, Daddy's no longer looking nearly as sure.     This waiting takes forever.  To help pass the time, I blow a spit bubble, then another.   "He's drooling," Daddy notices and helps wipe my chin.    "West!"...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Mommy won't stop squealing. She hasn't noticed how I'm feeling.  Go away and let me rest I tell you I'm not feeling my best.   "Try it," she insists.  What will happen if she persists? A new microphone? If only she'd have known.     "AH!  It's here!"   Oh, please.  Be quiet, Mommy.   "Rosie!  Did you hear!  It's here!  It's here!"   Please, for the love of poopy, be quiet.     Can't she see that there are circles under my eyes?  That my glow has dulled?  That my oomph has gone kapoof?   Mommy, stop running around and take a look at me.  Feel my forehead, offer me a drink.  I'm sick I tell you.  I need some rest.  So, please...   STOP YELLING, YOU CRAZY LADY!   "Ooh, I've been waiting for it to arrive, so I can set it up," Mommy explains without a second's notice of how I'm clearly sick.  "Did you know that I used to ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    Here is a story of excellence, A true master of eloquence!  One where people will gladly say  That diabolicalness can save the day!   A crazed man with a maniacal plan? He's nothing compared to this old man. An old man with a cane? That can only mean one thing!   Here is a story for you.   One starring a previous diabolical baby, who grew and grew.  Now, he's an old man, but that will never stop his diabolical jam.   Once upon a time...   Two men stood at the edge of an outdoor shopping mall.  “Are you sure you want to do this, Ralph? It’s only fifteen degrees.” “All the better! The chocolate will harden before these Christmas shoppers know what hit them!” Ralph sized up his soon-to-be victims. Especially, Henry’s Chocolate Emporium. “That Henry thinks he’s so special because he won the confection competition. I’ll show him! No one beats me.” “Weren’t you dead last?” “Quiet!” Ralph ...

As Logged By:  Agent West    How can something so sticky and thick Become delicious and fluffy so quick?  Don't touch the bread dough? What if I give it a little throw?   Gloop, gleep, glop! This dough's about to pop. Now, it's stuck to the door. Uh oh, some has fallen on the floor.    "Why do I have to stir with a wooden spoon?"  Mommy huffs and puffs as she stirs and stirs.   "I don't know," her friend shrugs and takes another look at the recipe book.   I, meanwhile, sneak my way across the floor while crawling on all fours.  I know I have a stink jar hidden in here somewhere.  Just wait until I open it, Mommy and her friend will forget all about wooden spoons.    They'll run for their lives at the stench once it hits.  They'll scream and wail, as my stink attacks never fail.   SPLOT!     "Oops.  Sorry, West," Mommy sheepishly says.  "I guess I stirred this dough a little too hard....

 As Logged By:  Agent Rose   Tooth brushing time is fun Who doesn't love toothpaste flavored like gum? Now my toothpaste has been swapped. And tastes like something Gobbles glopped.   This diabolical cutie will stop it, Without even throwing a fit. Something odd in Daddy's coffee? Or, possibly, all over Mommy's toffee.    "My, my, Rosie.  Do you have another tooth coming in?"   I smile wide.  You bet I do, Mommy!   "That will be tooth number four," she gasps in awe, unable to believe how much I'm growing up.     However, I'm done with her oohing and awing.  Get that toothpaste on the brush and get to work making these baby pearls sparkly.     I'm ready to taste some bubblegum!     "Here you go," Mommy says and scrubs the tiny bristles against my teeth.  I instantly retract and give her a look of disgust.  "What?"  She asks as if she can't understand.   That is not bubb...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    Daddy's stuck on the couch. A popped rib bone?  Ooh, ouch! "Be nice to Daddy," Mommy warns. But, I like to take the bull by the horns.    Poke, tickle, stinky toot. One that smells like a mildewed boot. Tears of joy or tears of pain? Okay, we'll snuggle and watch the rain.   "Ugh, it hurts to move," Daddy groans as he inches toward the couch.  One step, pause, two step, pause, three step...........LONG PAUSE.  "All I did was laugh, then I was in pain."   "At me," Mommy reminds him.  "You were laughing at me."   "You dropped the butter and tooted when you bent over to pick it up.  It was funny."  Daddy's defense ends real quick when he tries to laugh again only to wince in pain.  "Ow!"    I keep my laughter silent.  Too bad I was diabolically plotting and missed that.  Mommy always blushes and makes the silliest embarrassed face when she accidentally lets out...

 As Logged By:   Agent West Agent West's Mom   Here comes dinner time And I haven't got any wine. Chocolate will easily suffice  With dinner easily nice.   No time for glitz and glam I've, also, run out of ham. There's always spaghetti waiting Yes, I think that'll be just the thing!   Diabolically Delicious and Easy Spaghetti  Tomato creaminess on noodles    Makes:  Enough for a toddler and a snack for you   Ingredients: 4 oz spaghetti broken into thirds 1 good pinch salt - don't hold back  1 cup pasta sauce - whatever kind you want   And, now, for my secret ingredient.  Are you ready for this?   2 Tablespoons salted butter   Directions: Boil enough water to cook your pasta.  If you have some extra broth, toss some splashes in the pot as well.  It'll add more flavor and some healthy nutrients, too.     Now, as you wait for that water to boil, is the perfect time to ponder the all imp...