A Diabolically Stressed Mommy

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 As Logged By:

 Agent West

 

 A diabolical plan is overdue.

One that will leave Mommy in a stew.

Messy popcorn and pickles galore

That's what I have in store!

 

But Mommy's already screaming.

She's running about and daydreaming.

Has she finally gone completely mad

After scribbling all day in her notepad?

 

 Here comes Agent West with popcorn.
 
Do da, do da.
 
Here comes Agent West with more.
 
Oh, the do da day!
 
And this diabolical dude has more than just popcorn.  That is only for starters.  I think I will pour some on the couch, knock some in the bed, and possibly, just possibly, get some stuck in Mommy's hair.
 
Next will be the pickles.  
 
I will smear some pickle on this window, then that one.  I will give the kitchen table an extra pickly shine.
 
HEY!
 
Watch it!
 
Mommy hardly notices that she almost ran over me.  I haven't even started to move yet.  I am still watching tv.  
 
I give a squeak, but that isn't catching Mommy's attention.  She's still pacing wildly.  
 
Ah, man.
 
Now her arms are flailing, too.
 
"I'm telling you!  I could hear from him at any minute!"  She practically screeches.
 
Daddy pinches the bridge on his nose, a tell-tale sign that this talk is running long.  "But, you said that you just sent it in yesterday."
 
"I...DID!"
 
"But," he tries again, "I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that fast with writing publishers."
 
"How would you know!?  Have you ever written a masterpiece before?  NO!  Have you ever had a publishing editor BEG you for your work?  NO!"
 
"He begged you?"
 
Well..."  Mommy flip flops her hand and it's all I can do to keep from bellowing in laughter.  "He did ask for the first two chapters."
 
"But, you don't have a book."
 
"I have an idea of one," Mommy heartily defends.  
 
As I watch, I debate going on ahead with my diabolical plan.  Their talk is the perfect distraction.  I could sneak away and they'd never notice.  However, this diabolical dude is having too much fun watching chaos and crises run amok as one.
 
"An idea of a book is not a book."
 
"Don't you think I know that?  All I did was 'accidentally' bump into him after listening to his speech and tell him about the idea.  He's the one that mistakenly thought it's a book I've already written."
 
"Did you correct him?"
 
"Of course I didn't correct him!  When a door comes knocking, you don't ignore it!"
 
I tilt my head.  That's not how the saying goes.  But, Mommy's flailing arms has turned into gritted teeth and entire flailing torso.
 
"Why else do you think I've been stressing away at the computer the last few days!?  I've been writing those first two chapters.  And, I did it!  I DID IT!!!!!!"
 
Dare I tell you that she is laughing.  This laugh is almost diabolical.  It's certainly crazy.  
 
"MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!!"
 
"And," Daddy lowers his voice into an extra calm, please-stop-being-so-crazy tone, "you're waiting to see if he is interested in the rest.  Is that right?"
 
"NO!  I must finish the book NOW.  I must get it written.  What if he loves it and asks for the whole thing?  I have to be prepared.  I must write every page!" 
 
"So," Daddy drawls, starting to understand, "you're doing all of this for hypothetical reasons?"
 
"YES!"
 
Daddy blinks, and blinks, and blinks some more.  His brain whirring louder than the vacuum running about on the floor.  
 
Finally, he starts to nod.  "M'kay," he says, then gives a yawn. 
 
"Don't look at me that way," Mommy's shrill scream has turned into a screech.  "I'm not crazy!"
 
"M'kay," Daddy nods and walks to the hall.
 
"Just you wait and..."
 
Mommy's voice slowly dies away as she follows poor Daddy around the house, probably for all day.  It is never dull when Mommy and Daddy are around.  Meanwhile, I must keep life interesting as well.  
 
Time to grab the popcorn and some pickles, too.
 
 
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