Visiting the Diabolical Grandparents

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 As Logged By:

 Agent West

 

It won't come across as rude

To boast of being a diabolical dude,

Not when the grandparents strut their stuff

Until Mommy is ready to yell, "Enough!"

 

Spit bubbles and fart boxes, oh my!

What else is hiding under Grandpa's tie?

Cousin JimJim, beware!

I've found something that is quite a scare!

 

 "Where's my little Wubbin?"  Grandma squeals and reaches out her hands.
 
I gotta reach out, too.  This little, diabolical dude knows what's coming after giving Grandma a hug from her little Wubbin.
 
"Who wants some iced cinnamon rolls and just-out-of-the-smoker brisket?"
 
ME!!!!!!!!!!!
 
"Don't spoil him like that," Mommy complains.  She lets her purse fall onto the sofa, looking ready to fall onto there herself.  Hehe, haha!  "Not after the toot attack he set off as soon as we got in the car." 
 
"He's a growing boy, they all make a stink."
 
"That grandson of mine is still making aplenty!"  Grandpa beams.
 
"Please, don't encourage him."  
 
But Grandpa is too busy joining Grandma in cuddles, coodles, and just plain enjoying the awesomeness of this diabolical dude.
 
"Who's got some toots in him?  Who's got some toots?"  Grandpa teases as he tickles my belly.
 
PHFRT!
 
I let out a tiny one, just enough to get old Grandpa to laugh.
 
"Ha!  There they are!"
 
"No, Dad, please," Mommy begs, her hair frazzling further each time Grandpa tickles me. 
 
"Who's got some toots?"  
 
PHFRT!
 
"Who's got some toots?"

PHFRT!
 
"Who's got some..."
 
PPPHHHHHHFFFFFRRRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHPPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!
 
"Uh oh, I think someone made a mess."  Grandpa's eyes widen when he inhales.  "Whew, yes he did."  Without hesitation, he hands me over to Mommy.
 
She sets her glare on Grandma and Grandpa.  "I told you not to encourage him," she growls and heads over to change my very stinky diaper.
 
Meanwhile, I feel another round coming on.
 
"Alright, let's get this one off of you and..."
 
 PPPHHHHHHFFFFFRRRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHPPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!
 
"Ha ha!"  Grandpa coughs out a loud laugh.  "Looks like someone wasn't quite done."
 
"DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!"
 
The room goes silent.  Even my tushy is too afraid to peep.  Mommy's face twitches as she changes me, one eye especially.  
 
"Let's go into the kitchen," Grandma suggests once I'm freshly clean, "and leave these two young men to catch up.  I've got a bottle of wine I just opened."
 
"I remember driving my mother crazy," Grandpa whispers once the coast is clear.  "Just yesterday, I found my old whoopee cushion.  Have you ever seen one of these?"
 
 Out from under Grandpa's tie, he pulls a small, pinkish bag.  A plastic thing that looks too sad to be a balloon.  I give Grandpa a look and he shakes his head.
 
"Watch this."
 
He blows it up just a little and sets it on the chair.  He plops right down and a fart sounds through the air.
 
"Oh good LORD!"  Mommy cries from the kitchen.
 
"Don't worry, no messy diapers in here," Grandpa calls out his reassurance.
 
I, however, am too busy gawking at this masterpiece of toot wizardry.
 
"I'm giving this to you young man," Grandpa hands the floppy balloon to me.  "This is our little secret.  Now, you'll never run out of tooty sounds."
 
My chin quivers a bit and I open a big, toothless grin.  What better way to give an adorable, 'thank you.'
 
"Wait, wait, wait," Grandpa says and reaches under his tie again.  "Have you ever seen anything like this?"
 
What he pulls out has me dropping the whoopee cushion in fright.  Until he shows me just how it works.  
 
My eyes glimmer with glee and my fingers drum under my chin. 
 
Next time cousin JimJim visits...
 
I've got a surprise for him.
 
 
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