A Diabolically Forgotten Plan

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 As Logged By:

Agent Rose 

 

This plan took some time

To come to its prime.

So long that I forgot,

Until Mommy screamed a lot.

 

What's this inside the pocket

That makes Mommy jump like a rocket?

Look at that fuzzy, black hair.

It is growing everywhere! 

 

What is that noise waking me from my midday nap?
 
VROOM, VROOM!  SREECH!  THUNK!
 
There is no way that Mommy will hear me, even if I scream my loudest baby wail.  Fine, fine.  I'll get up.
 
Up and over I roll and crawl all the way to the door.  The sound is coming from across the hall, so I continue to crawl.
 
And, what do I see when I make it in there?
 
A great big behind sticking up in the air!
 
Oh, wait.  That's Mommy's rear end.  Sticking half out of the closet.  What is she doing in there?
 
VROOM, VROOM!  SREECH!  THUNK!
 
Out from the closet she tosses a bag.  One of hers from her hiking days.  
 
I tilt my head to the left.  I tilt it to the right.  There's something about this bag that has caught my sight.  I remember this bulky thing, but I don't know why.  Specifically, the pockets.  Oh, what am I forgetting?  Oh, why, why why!?
 
"Oh, Rosie.  I didn't see you there," Mommy pants as she steps out of the scary, dark space.  Her hair is flying in every which way.  She must be busy cleaning.  "Can you believe all of this stuff that has been hiding in the back of this closet?"
 
Yes, Mommy, but I'm really upset.  I know I did something with this bag.  However, I've completely forgot.
 
I slap the big, blue bag to get Mommy's attention.
 
"What?"  She asks and thrusts her fists on her hips.
 
I slap it again.  There's something about this bag and I don't like it that I've forgot.
 
Now, get over here, Mommy, and inspect this thing.  It's bothering me that I can't remember.  Was it something I did?  Was it something I saw?  What is it with this bag!?!?!?!?!?!?
 
It keep gnawing at me!
 
"You are so persnickety," Mommy rolls her eyes when I slap the bag again, "but, I guess I should inspect it.  You never know if I left a wrapper in there.  Or two," she guiltily admits.  
 
I know about your candy bar attacks.  Don't think I haven't made a plan for that.
 
A plan...
 
A plan...
 
A PLAN!!!!!!!
 
Just as I remember I hear a loud screech.
 
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  There's a monster!"
 
A monster?  No, no.
 
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  It looks like a huge spider!!""
 
A spider?  Not even close.
 
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
 
Mommy races out of the room.  She better hope it isn't a monster or a spider, because she just left her little baby in here with the bag and the...
 
Oh, that is hairy.  Lots and lots of black hair sprouting here and there.  It's sprouting and growing everywhere.
 
In Mommy races with a glove on her hand.  She heaves a few panicked breaths and sucks in a big gulp of air. 
 
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  She screeches and throws her arm in.  
 
Into the bag, into its pocket.  She squeezes her eyes shut and yanks the hairy blob out.
 
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  She wails once more, dropping the hairy thing onto the floor.  Up into the air she flies, so high that I wonder if she ever will land.  "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
 
She huffs and she puffs.  I'm starting to think that she might even pass out.  How funny that would be to see her fall flat on her back.  At least she's got a cushy rear to stop her fall.  
 
"Wait!"  She widens her eyes and peers a little closer.  "That isn't hair.  That's, that's...  fuzzy mold."
 
She carefully moves closer.  One step, then another.  
 
"What is this?"  She asks and slowly reaches with a hesitant grab.  
 
Turning it over, she inspects it carefully.  Then realization strikes.
 
"It's a half-eaten, moldy apple!  How long has it been in there!?"
 
Long enough that I forgot.
 
Mommy gags, she lurches, she holds her mouth tight.
 
Out of the room Mommy runs like the wind.  Through the hall, around the kitchen, and out the backdoor.  She hurls that hairy blob of a moldy old apple into the air, to the compost pile.
 
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  She wails and dances in grossed out horror.
 
I may have forgotten, but that was worth the wait.  Now, if I can only think of something to make her land flat on that big tushy. 
 
 
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