A Diabolical Zoo Trip

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 As Logged By:

 Agent West

 

What's that jumping up and down?

It's making it impossible to keep my frown.

"Oo, oo.  Ee, ee.  Ah, ah."

I cave with a smile.  Then, tata!?

 

Wait, take me back.

I don't want a snack.

I want to see more of that!

Uh, oh.  What have I done with my hat?

 

 Why have you brought me here?
 
This place smells like a zoo!
 
Oh, poopy diapers...
 
"Welcome to the zoo!"  A recorded announcer repeats over the speakers.  "Please enjoy the view of turtles, anteaters,..."
 
Oh, oh, poopy of pooped diapers.
 
How conflicted can this diabolical dude feel!?  I love going to the zoo, but I'm supposed to be grumpy, snotty, and mad.
 
I had a diabolical scheme.  A spit bubble perfect of an idea.  I was going to make a mess like never before.  Strewn toilet paper, stink bombs set and ready to toot, and splattered putty everywhere!
 
Now, what do I do?
 
"Look, West," Mommy points and coos.  "Aren't those zebras cute?"
 
Yes!  I mean, NO!
 
Yes!
 
No!
 
Aw, stinky toots!
 
I must keep my frown!  I must, I must, I must!  Mommy dragged me away from causing mayhem and chaos.  It's my turn to report with the Diabolical Drei.  What will Agent Chase say if I tell her I went to the zoo?  
 
Or worse...
 
What will Agent Rose do if she finds out I went to the zoo without her?
 
GULP!
 
I better come up with something diabolical and fast.
 
I scrunch my face and begin to think.  I scrunch even more, then...
 
PPPHHHHFFFRRRTTTTHHHHHPPPPTTTT!
 
"Welp, we all knew that was coming," Mommy says with an eye roll.
 
He he, ha ha. 
 
At least I got one good one in.
 
Now, I must think, think, think.
 
I think so hard that Mommy has finished changing my diaper and is already back on the walking path.  I put every effort into concentrating, but then I find my head bobbing.
 
Up and down, up and down.
 
Who is this jumping and tumbling all around? 
 
"West, this is called an Angolan Colobus Monkey.  Isn't the little guy cute?"
 
Yes!  I mean, NO!
 
Up and down, up and down.  Bouncy, bouncy bouncy.
 
The little guy lands just in front of me and offers a brief, "Ee!"  Off he jumps between the trees and over the limbs.  Wait, does he have no thumbs?
 
"Ha!"  I burst with a laugh.  
 
That's it, I cave!  I'm enjoying watching this guy too much!  More, Mommy!  I want to watch him all day long!
 
"Let's see what's over here."
 
What?  NO!  I want to stay with my new friend.  I want to watch him tumble and jump.  Look how he swings.  
 
WAIT!
 
I must think of someway to stop her from walking.
 
Hmm...
 
Now that I think about it.  My hat does look a lot like that toy the little monkey has.  I wonder...
 
"West," Mommy suddenly stops.  "Where's your hat?"
 
I give her my biggest, wide eyed stare and slowly turn my head to where Mr. Angolan Colobus is playing with something as orange and green as my hat may be.
 
"Oh, no.  How did you...???  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  Mommy screeches and runs back to the clear partition.  "My son's hat fell into the monkey pen!  Help, Hurry!  The monkey's eating it.  It could die!"
 
"Ma'am, please calm down," an annoyed zoo keeper with a label that reads, MANAGER, says.  "That is a toy that we gave to the young Angolan.  Your son's hat is right here."
 
Down, Mommy looks to where the zookeeper points.  Just under my bum and one ready for another smelly...
 
PPPHHHHHTTTHHHHRRRRFFFTTT!
 
"Umm," the zookeeper crinkles his nose.  "The bathrooms are over there, Ma'am."
 
He he.
 
You got Ma'am-ed.
 
Twice! 
 
 
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