Diabolically Yucky Toothpaste

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 As Logged By:

 Agent Rose

 

Tooth brushing time is fun

Who doesn't love toothpaste flavored like gum?

Now my toothpaste has been swapped.

And tastes like something Gobbles glopped.

 

This diabolical cutie will stop it,

Without even throwing a fit.

Something odd in Daddy's coffee?

Or, possibly, all over Mommy's toffee. 

 

"My, my, Rosie.  Do you have another tooth coming in?"
 
I smile wide.  You bet I do, Mommy!
 
"That will be tooth number four," she gasps in awe, unable to believe how much I'm growing up.  
 
However, I'm done with her oohing and awing.  Get that toothpaste on the brush and get to work making these baby pearls sparkly.  
 
I'm ready to taste some bubblegum!  
 
"Here you go," Mommy says and scrubs the tiny bristles against my teeth.  I instantly retract and give her a look of disgust.  "What?"  She asks as if she can't understand.
 
That is not bubblegum!
 
Mommy tries again, but I bat her hand away.  "Rosie, what has gotten into you?"  That's when she sees the bottle.  "Oh, oopsies.  I must have bought watermelon instead of bubblegum."
 
Watermelon?  I scrunch my cute face.  That doesn't taste anything like watermelon.  That is a calamity of flavor, not watermelon.  
 
It tastes like something Chase's pet, Gobbles, let out with a great, big toot.
 
"Oh, well," she brushes off the catastrophe with a wave of her hand.
 
Oh, well?
 
Oh, well?
 
OH, WELL?! 
 
Stuck between wanting clean teeth and detesting that fake flavor of watermelon, I let Mommy have a win.  All while she's brushing my teeth, though, I start plotting.  Clearly she's never had to deal with this falsified taste that is clearly not real watermelon and this diabolical baby is going to make sure Mommy and Daddy never buy watermelon flavor again.
 
I eye the toothpaste bottle, waiting for my chance.  I wait, and wait, and wait, AND wait.
 
This is taking too long.  
 
With a sweep of my hand, I send the hand towel flying to the floor.  Mommy ducks to grab it and I take my chance.  
 
I reach over as fast as I can.
 
YANK!
 
I grab the toothpaste and slip it under my onesie.
 
"Did I already put the toothpaste away?"  Mommy asks, scrunching her face.  Rather than check, she shrugs her shoulders and sets me on the ground.
 
Silly, Mommy.  By now you should know to always double check when a diabolical baby is around.  
 
I follow Mommy into the living room.  Daddy has some coffee poured and the tin of toffee is already open.  They each take a piece of toffee and enjoy a sip from their mugs.
 
"Sorry, Sweetie," Daddy chuckles.  "No toffee for you.  Not yet."
 
That's okay, Daddy.  I'm not interested in any.  Not after I get through with it.  
 
How to get them away from the coffee table, though?
 
I could toss something and make them run after it.  Or pretend I'm about to get sick.  What if...
 
"WWWAAAAHHHHH!"
 
I wail and point at the coffee and toffee.  
 
"Rosie, I'm sorry sweetie, but you can't have any."
 
"WWWAAAAHHHHHH!"
 
"Quick, do something," Mommy cries and runs to the kitchen to fetch a sippy cup.
 
Daddy takes his cue and hurries to the kitchen, also.  For what, I don't know.  All I care is that, now, the coffee table is available.
 
I crawl up to the seat and sneak the toothpaste out of my onesie.
 
SQUISH!
 
I squeeze a glob straight into Daddy's coffee.
 
SQUISH!
 
A large smear covers Mommy's toffee.
 
I hurry on down just as they return.  I beam a wide smile at the sippy cup of milk and toast with a touch of peanut butter.
 
Yumyum, I munch.
 
"Yuck!"  Daddy coughs and gags.  "What's wrong with this coffee?  I tastes like artificial watermelon was added to it."
 
"Gross, so does this toffee," Mommy groans and spits it out. 

Meanwhile I munch and smile with glee.  
 
"Wait, what's this?"  Mommy asks and picks up the toothpaste I accidentally left on the table.  "ROSIE!"
 
 
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