Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Mommy left me with the sitter And I made sure to get her. But, who is this stranger at the door? Oh, no!  I left my stink gun on the floor!   She claims to be my mommy, but I'd rather trust a pastrami salami!  I'll put this claim to the test With a toot that'll be one of my best!    "AH!  You made me spit out my gum."   The babysitter hurls herself onto the couch, trying desperately to clean off the sticky chunks before they adhere completely.     I, meanwhile, am too busy laughing.  One diaper filling poopy was all it took.     Only one, and this babysitter cracked.    "Eww!  That stinks."  She crinkles her nose.  "I can smell it from all the way over here."  Suddenly, she pauses.  A realization lifting her head.  "I'm going to have to change that," she barely manages to mumble.   Suddenly, a click has us both looking toward the front...

 As Logged By: Agent West     Will they check my temperature? Or see if I'm starting to mature? This diabolical dude doesn't think so. Especially, when I've got a spit bubble to blow!    The nurses look so nervous. And the doctor can hardly serve us. Do they know that I am hiding  Something stinky that's never subsiding!   "West is going to do great," Daddy reassures.   Mommy, however, doesn't look so convinced.  "You didn't witness what he did last time."   I grin a big whopper as I remember.  The nurses got ready to check my height and weight, they bent down to get a better look at the scale, and PPHHHRRRRFFFFFTTTTTT!   What can this dude do today?   "He'll be fine."  However, Daddy's no longer looking nearly as sure.     This waiting takes forever.  To help pass the time, I blow a spit bubble, then another.   "He's drooling," Daddy notices and helps wipe my chin.    "West!"...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Mommy won't stop squealing. She hasn't noticed how I'm feeling.  Go away and let me rest I tell you I'm not feeling my best.   "Try it," she insists.  What will happen if she persists? A new microphone? If only she'd have known.     "AH!  It's here!"   Oh, please.  Be quiet, Mommy.   "Rosie!  Did you hear!  It's here!  It's here!"   Please, for the love of poopy, be quiet.     Can't she see that there are circles under my eyes?  That my glow has dulled?  That my oomph has gone kapoof?   Mommy, stop running around and take a look at me.  Feel my forehead, offer me a drink.  I'm sick I tell you.  I need some rest.  So, please...   STOP YELLING, YOU CRAZY LADY!   "Ooh, I've been waiting for it to arrive, so I can set it up," Mommy explains without a second's notice of how I'm clearly sick.  "Did you know that I used to ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    Here is a story of excellence, A true master of eloquence!  One where people will gladly say  That diabolicalness can save the day!   A crazed man with a maniacal plan? He's nothing compared to this old man. An old man with a cane? That can only mean one thing!   Here is a story for you.   One starring a previous diabolical baby, who grew and grew.  Now, he's an old man, but that will never stop his diabolical jam.   Once upon a time...   Two men stood at the edge of an outdoor shopping mall.  “Are you sure you want to do this, Ralph? It’s only fifteen degrees.” “All the better! The chocolate will harden before these Christmas shoppers know what hit them!” Ralph sized up his soon-to-be victims. Especially, Henry’s Chocolate Emporium. “That Henry thinks he’s so special because he won the confection competition. I’ll show him! No one beats me.” “Weren’t you dead last?” “Quiet!” Ralph ...