Crazy plant lady Mommy

 As Logged By:

Agent West


Why is Mommy sneaking around

Like a thief stealing steaks by the pound?

What is that in her hand?

A seed catalogue named Plant Land?

Should I follow this crazy looney

Who’s humming an interesting tuney?

I’m scared to see what she’s up to.

Especially, when she’s talking to Aunt Sue.

What in diabolical diaper names is going on?

I’m so confused, I’m completely pooped out. Something is wrong with Mommy. Something’s snapped, for sure!

She’s gone batty, insane. She’s sipped one too many, eaten her last sanity cookie!

Don’t believe me?

“Here’s the mail,” Dad calls as he comes in the door and slaps a wad of folded papers onto the dining table. Bills, letters, nothing interesting of the sort. No diabolical packages. No stink bomb greeting cards.

“Where is it?!” Mommy frantically races into the room with her phone to her ear and claws through the pile of mail. Her mouth practically foaming! “I can’t find it, Aunt Sue!” She cries into the phone.

Curiosity gets to me worse than a poop ready to fling at Cousin JimJim.

Why is Mommy going so crazy?

I crawl onto the chair and up to the table.  I pause to rip a stinky one and smile when Mommy wrinkles her nose, then I high tail it over to the pile and help with the shuffling and searching.

What’s this shiny thing?

It can’t be anything interesting. There’s only pictures of flowers and plants on the cover and all through it.


There’s even a section with pictures of vegetables. Hordes and hordes of vegetables!

Who in their right mind is so in love with vegetables that they want to look through page after page of pictures of vegetables?

Mommy, apparently.

“West! Give that to me.” Mommy snatches the magazine out of my hands. “It’s mine!” She growls, frightening the toots out of me. Into the phone she seethes with glee, “I’ve found it, Aunt Sue. I can’t wait to see what’s on page twenty-two.”

Mommy clings the magazine tight to her chest and hurries away, gabbing into the phone with her mouth going a mile a minute.  Something about seeds.  Another about plants.  One more about breaking the budget.

Should I follow after her? Should I see what she’s up to?

“Don’t worry, West,” Daddy reassures. “She always goes a little crazy once the garden magazines start arriving.”


Upcoming Log:  Diabolical cabbage and beans

Previous Log:  A New Year's poop and toot


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