Diabolical gas pains

 As Logged By:

Agent Chase

I let out cries and wails

From the pressure on my tummy,

But this pain prevails.

It hurts worse than playing gin rummy.

Bring on the chamomile.

Pull out the ginger.

Why did I eat a meal

That could so well injure?



Oh, the pain.  The pain!

Forget the diabolical plans. Forgo the toot bombs and tissue attacks.

For dear, old Mommy has found a way to make this baby pay!

That’s right. You’ve heard it straight from this diabolical mastermind’s mission log. 


Mommy got back at me for all of the stinky toot bombs I’ve exploded at her and all of the rooms covered in torn up, shredded to bits tissues with…


Cabbage and beans!

The gas powerhouses of the food world.

The two culprits now wreaking havoc on my poor, itty, bitty tummy.

The tangled knots!  The twisting cinches!  The pressure pushing and pushing, but never moving!

I can't bear it!


I promise, dear, sweet, not-so-old Mommy! I promise that I will never throw another toot bomb in your face again. Just give me some relief.


Mommy smiles down at me.  A knowing smirk in her sparkling eye.


“Oh, Chase. Is your tummy hurting?” She coos and picks me up.  "Here, does this help?"

She sways her body left and right.  The motion rocking me back and forth.

Ah, this is nice.

The gentle swaying soothes my achy tummy. It gets the pent up gasses moving. It…


“Right in my face!?” Mommy squeals only to regret it when the horrendous stink goes straight into her mouth.

A stink, I remind you, that can only come from digested cabbage and beans.


Upcoming log: An ode to nap time

Previous log:  A diabolical fall off the bed


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