Being diabolically delightful

-

 As Logged By:


Agent Chase


The cabbage and beans pushed the limit.

It’s time to take it easy for a minute.

We may be the Diabolical Drei,

But we’re still babies that smile and cry.


A scary dream shook me awake.

Hold me, Mommy, for goodness sake!

I promise I won’t do anything bad,

Though a toot may escape, just a tad!

 

 

Mommy knows it was me. I see it in her eye.


She squinting that suspicious squint that only a mommy can achieve.


“Chase, your little dog disaster went too far,” she warns in her deepened, don’t-mess-with-me-or-I’ll-make-you-regret-everything voice.


Too far? Certainly not! I declare it, I certainly do, that this diabolical mastermind could have done even worse.


Just to be safe, though I flash Mommy a smile. One I’m sure she will love.


But, Mommy doesn’t buy it. Not for a second. She lifts an eyebrow and turns out the light.


“Goodnight,” she says and leaves me alone in my bed.


What about my goodnight kiss? What about a hug? No songs to send me to sleep? No pretending your lips are stuck to my belly and tickling me by blowing raspberries?  Nothing?


My lower lip trembles. I feel a tear starting to form.


Maybe I did take it too far. I love being diabolical, I love seeking out new tactics for driving my parents mad, but I’m still simply a baby. A slightly devious, but really delightful one at that.


I fall asleep among the sniffles.


And my dreams start with a bang!


A fart bomb that won’t explode?! How horrendous! Chocolate cookies that have lost their flavor?! Ghastly! The puppy taking all of the glory and being crowned most adorable of all?! No!!!!


STOP!


Make it stop!


“WAAAHHHHHHHH!”


Mommy runs to the rescue after hearing my wail. She scoops me up in one big swoop.


“Chase, what is it? Oh, Sweetie, you’re crying. It’s okay, I’ve got you.”


Yes, please hold me. Don’t ever let me go! Not after those horrible dreams. Those nightmares that made me scream. I promise I’ll be good from now on. No more torturously diabolical plots for this little one. No more plotting, no more stink, no more…


PPHHHFFFTHP!


“Chase,” Mommy growls and wrinkles her nose. “Did you seriously just toot on me?”


I may have, just a bit.


Whew it stinks! I’m such a diabolical baby.

 

Upcoming Log:  Diabolically clogging the toilet

Previous Log:  Diabolically stealing my leftovers

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diabolical cabbage and beans

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent Chase With   The Puppy The Puppy was right, I admit There was no way to go through with it. Getting everyone to eat cabbage and beans Would have been impossible, by all means. However, we’ve devised another plan. In this temporary truce between dog and man. The Puppy has many friends, you see. Who are willing to eat cabbage and beans, whoo wee!     For weeks I have been saving every scrap of Mommy’s famous cabbage and beans dish, keeping none for myself.  (Not that I want any after the last gas catastrophe.) The toy bin is filled to the rim and it’s starting to smell, but the Puppy reassures me that his friends will still dig in. “Oh, Marge, this was a wonderful idea,” one of Mommy’s friends says as she waves her hand around. “A block party for everyone and their dog. How did you think of it?” “It’s the funniest thing. I saw Chase playing with a magazine that happened to have an article about throwing one of these.”
Read more

Throwing food? I'll give it a try!

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent Rose Please! Don’t mention eating. Not after Agent Chase’s stink infested beating. Cabbage and beans! Were there no other ways? The stink never ended for days and days! My tummy is tumbling and swirling. I fear anything I eat, I’ll end up hurling. But, I do love being a sweetie that’s diabolical. Especially, when I can do something so maniacal!     Agent Chase is going to get a stink bomb in the face! Joining with the Puppy!? Of all the diabolical schemes. She should have known that teaming up with the Puppy would make her diabolical plans explode. “Okay, Rosie. Time for some dinner.” Dinner? No way! My tummy is still too tender for any dinner. “Come on, Sweetie. You need to eat or you’ll get grumpy.” I stare at Daddy with the angriest of angry faces. Grumpy!? Does he have any idea what horrors I’ve been through? Just thinking of it makes my tummy tumble some more. The stink of dog doodie
Read more

Diabolically stealing my leftovers

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent West I could have sworn there was more stew With delicious beef that cleared my blues. But when Mommy opened the fridge There was none for me to binge! What about a grilled cheese? Smashed, loaded, and coated to please. Is there any more of that? Or is Mommy sneaking some in her hat?     Oh, the hunger pains. The growling tummy, the rumbling stomach. If I don’t eat soon, the gas will come forth. Not the funny toots in Mommy’s face gas, either. But, painful, stuck in your tummy and refusing to come out or budge gas that can only be cured with chamomile tea. Agent Rose may love it, but I’m a diabolical dude! I want my beef stew! Where is it, Mommy? Don’t make me beg. Don’t make me cry. Don’t make me let out a toot that’ll knock your socks to the moon! “Are you hungry, West?” Mommy coos, completely oblivious to the hungry beast about to be unleashed. “Ah!” I let out as a warning and point to the fridge.
Read more